breath control

For the first time since my surgery for Chiari malformation on Monday, I actually slept through the night last night, which felt amazing. Here in the US, we also ended Daily Saving Time last night, so, even though it looked like I was up early, I had to add an hour to account for the clock change.

I do still owe you a surgery post but, right now, I wanted to share what has already improved since my surgery.

By the time I left the hospital on Wednesday, my balance was much improved, so that I could reliably walk without having someone nearby to help steady me if I got light-headed. I could also walk in a straight line, if that was what I intended. Balance problems have been a constant for over two years now, so having it already improve so much feels like a miracle.

The other thing that I noticed while still in the hospital is that the blurring in my left eye is much better. I can see for long stretches without any blurring but can still have trouble when I’m most tired.

The exciting thing this morning was that it seems that my breath control is improving, too. I was participating in All Saints’ Day mass via a recording and was happy that I could sustain the phrases in the opening hymn, “For All the Saints.” It’s been frustrating to have to breathe way more often than a singer should need to – and there is certainly much room for further improvement – but to have a noticeable improvement already feels great.

All these things are most likely due to the restored cerebrospinal fluid flow. I had a lot of testing to rule out physical problems with my eye, inner ear, lungs, etc., so we knew there was not a problem with the organs themselves. Rather, there was a problem with them getting proper signals from my brain.

Improved breathing is particularly important for me. I had been getting out of breath easily, for example, from walking up a flight of stairs or from lying on my stomach. It seemed that it was likely due to dysautonomia, which is common in people with hEDS and/or Chiari malformation. One of the fun features of my surgery had been difficulty keeping me breathing because I needed to be prone so Dr. Klinge could access the back of my head and neck, but they had modify the body position they usually use because I would unceremoniously stop breathing, even though I was intubated.

Obviously, we are still in early days of a recovery that is expected to last 3-6+ months, but I’m stunned at how much has improved already. I have to remind myself that symptoms that haven’t changed at all yet may well improve over these coming months, just more gradually as my brain heals after 2 1/2 years of not enough cerbrospinal fluid circulation.

I am so grateful to Dr. Klinge and her whole team; to Lauren Eadline, my wonderful NP who specializes in patients with hard-to-diagnose-and-treat disorders; and to all my family, friends, and readers who have been so supportive throughout all of this and continue to uphold me.

Onward (but with still a lot of rest breaks)!

SoCS: costume?

Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consiousness Saturday this week is “costume.”

My Halloween costume this year is woman recovering from brain surgery.

Okay, not really a costume, just reality.

From the front, I actually look pretty normal, other than tired.

My long, silver hair covers up my incision and the 1″x3″ strip of hair shaved off the back of my head.

I only look scary if you see the five-day old incision. I will post a picture at the very end of the post, so don’t scroll all the way down if that sort of thing is upsetting to you.

The surgery was to correct a Chiari malformation, which is when the brain tonsils slip down into the top of the spinal column and disrupt the flow of cerebrospinal fluid. When I manage to get a proper post done about it, I’ll come back and link it here.

I must say that Dr. Petra Klinge of Brown University Health in Providence, RI and her whole team were amazing in my care. I was only in the hospital for two nights and am now resting at an Airbnb in Providence until I can have my post-op visit on 11/6. Spouse B is taking very good care of me!

surgery day

Sometimes, when people want to belittle someone’s accomplishments, they say, “Well, it’s not brain surgery.”

Today, I am actually having brain surgery for Chiari malformation. It only involves the brain tonsils, though, and cutting off a bit of the skull to make room for the tonsils to have a place to be that is not pushing down into the spinal column. They will put in a patch in the dura, the membrane around the brain, to make room.

The photo is of a stuffed and smily brain that daughter T gave me. It is very cute!

I’ve scheduled this to post and am not sure when I will post next. Rest assured, though, that my neurosurgeon specializes in this type of surgery so I am in the best possible hands.

Update on Oct. 29: I was only in the hospital for two nights and am now resting and recuperating at our AirBnB. My follow-up is on Nov. 6 and then home on the 6th or 7th depending on my tolerance for long car rides. Thanks, Everyone, for thinking of me at this time.

SoCS: the reason

The reason I haven’t been posting much lately is that I am getting ready to have surgery for Chiari malformation in late October. There is a lot to do to get prepared, including a bunch of tests, which, along with the rest of my medical team visits has been taking up a lot of time and my limited brainpower.

I also was trying to keep some fraction of my volunteering and online advocacy going but now push has come to shove, as they say, and I am setting almost everything aside for now to concentrate on my health. I need to rest more and not tax my already over-taxed brain.

My poor brain has been spending the last 2 1/2 years without the right amount of cerebrospinal fluid and my symptoms seem to be intensifying a bit, so I need to acknowledge that. I knew I’d need to be on a long hiatus after the surgery, so I’m practicing now.

That being said, there are a few commitments that I plan to keep, the Boiler House Poets Collective residency at the Studios at MASS MoCA and the sing-along hosted by the Madrigal Choir of Binghamton. I may not be much help for either of them but it’s important for me to be there.

I’m giving myself permission to stop trying to keep up with all the causes that I usually do, so I’m up-to-date to do comments or letters to elected officials and government agencies or just contribute to conversation. I will try to read just my favorite writers and columns. I need to get used to deleting things without opening them.

Ironically, I may post here a bit more during the weeks remaining before surgery. If there is less to keep up with, I might be able to reserve some time and brainpower to post.

If I don’t manage it, you’ll know the reason.
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “reason.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/09/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-september-12-2026/

SoCS: travel

When B retired, we had planned to travel more.

More trips to London to see the UK branch of the family.

More mid-week getaways to the Finger Lakes or New England, avoiding the busier weekends and high seasons, now that B didn’t have to work Monday through Friday. Visits to friends and relatives.

We have been doing more travelling, but not in the way we had anticipated.

Instead, we have been doing a lot of medical travelling. A couple of trips to NYC to see the interventional radiologist and do some specialized testing. A trip to Providence, RI at the end of last month to meet with a specialized neurosurgeon. We will return there this fall for surgery. I might need to find an out-of-town nephrologist…

We are hoping that, by next spring, I may be recovered enough to travel for fun again.

It will give me something to dream about as I’m recovering…
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Concsiousness Saturday this week is “travel.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/08/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-8-2026/

One-Liner Wednesday: Chiari

When I saw the specialized neurosurgeon last week, after posting here for positive vibes, they asked what my three most troublesome symptoms are and I answered, “Brain fog, fatigue, and balance problems;” they told me that surgery for Chiari malformation should help all three, so I will have that, probably in late October.

This update is brought to you as part of Linda’s One-Liner Wednesdays series. Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/08/05/one-liner-wednesday-the-kicker/

for the love of plants

My daughter T loves plants.

She loves them so much that she has a master’s degree in conservation biology of plants. One of her favorite things to do is remove invasive species so that native species can thrive. She can expound at length on the topic of relocating plant species to different elevations and latitudes to help them survive the effects of climate change.

At the moment, it’s winter here and she is recovering from shoulder surgery, so no eradicating of invasive species allowed in the near future.

She has to content herself with tending our indoor plants.

Under her care, the African violets and kalanchoe are in bloom.
*****
I shockingly used the prompt “plants” from J-Dub of J-Dub’s Grin and Bear It as part of Linda’s Just Jot It January. (It’s only shocking because I seldom use the prompts and usually meander off in my own direction.) Whether you want to use prompts or not, please join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/01/21/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-21st-2024/

YAG x 2

In April, I had cataract surgery on both eyes with fancy, extended depth of focus implanted lenses.

Things went well and I’m not wearing glasses full-time, which hadn’t happened since I was six. However, I have run into a couple of common aftereffects that I’ve been dealing with over these past months.

One is an aggravation of my existing problems with dry eye, which I whined about a bit here. We are treating it in several ways and it is improving.

The other was that I developed some filminess or cloudiness in my vision due to posterior capsule opacification, also known as secondary cataracts. The treatment is to use a YAG laser to make an opening in the capsule to allow light through and rectify the cloudiness. (YAG stands for yttrium aluminum garnet.)

I had YAG treatment in both eyes earlier this month and I’m happy to report that it worked well for me. The filminess is gone, which is great because we weren’t sure if part of that was due to the dry eye. I do have increased floaters in my eyes which will probably calm down over the next few months.

I’m able to read my computer without enlarging the text for the most part now and, for the first time ever, made it through a choral rehearsal on Sunday without glasses. I do have a pair of glasses that I can use for fine print and low light situations, as those will continue to be challenging even when all the healing is complete.

It’s been a joy to be able to see without devoting extra brain power to assist. Over these past months, I’ve been having to concentrate consciously on visual processing. It’s been tiring. I’m grateful to be able to look around and just be able to see what’s in front of me without extra effort.

One of these days, I might even get a new headshot taken without glasses, even if it takes a bit for me to recognize myself after 57 years of wearing glasses all the time…

SoCS: new eyes

“Yes, it is strange not to wear glasses.”

Since I had my cataract surgeries earlier this month, I’ve been asked many times if it is weird/strange not to be wearing glasses every waking moment – and it is.

I’ve worn glasses since I was six because I was near-sighted. As I got older, I also developed presbyopia, which meant I was also having trouble seeing close up. For the last couple of decades, my glasses have had progressive lenses, which means they have a zone for far, mid-range, and close vision. I also have astigmatism in one eye which was built into my prescription. As I developed cataracts in both eyes, I was also having a lot of difficulty with glare.

And, I also sometimes had trouble with dry eyes, so a lot going on.

I decided to have cataract surgery last year. It took several months to get an appointment with the doctor who had done spouse B’s cataract surgeries, and my parents and mother-in-law’s. He uses advanced laser techniques and gives options to use advanced lens that deal with multiple issues.

B had had good luck with his multifocal lens and only uses glasses for very fine print and low-lighting conditions. In the five years since his surgery, they have added astigmatism correction to multifocal lenses, so I chose those.

The timing of the surgeries was awkward, as they happened while the UK branch of our family was visiting for Easter, but I’m happy with the still-developing results. My distance visit was clear within a day of each surgery. (They were a week apart.) My mid- and near-vision are improving day by day. I’ve used supermarket/drugstore cheaters for a few tasks, although now even the weakest ones are too strong for my “new eyes.” I also have been adjusting the size of my text on screens, although I’m typing this at my prior screen settings, so improvement is definitely happening. It will probably continue for a few more weeks as my eyes heal and my brain adjusts to the new, clearer input.

As I am adjusting to life without glasses, people I know are adjusting, too. I’ve had people comment on it. A few have said I look younger without my glasses. I had thought I might look older – or, at least, more tired – because you can now see all the wrinkles around my eyes and I don’t use make-up so, if I have dark circles under my eyes, they are now easier to see. Of course, I don’t think anyone would tell me I look older without my glasses, even if that is what they thought.

At some point, I suppose I will have to replace the much-beloved headshot I use for Top of JC’s Mind, which B originally took to go with this poem for Silver Birch Press.

Someday, when I’m more used to my new look.

Yes, someday.
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is yes-. Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/04/28/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-29-2023/

One-Liner Wednesday: cataract surgery

I had my first cataract surgery yesterday and it’s very weird to adjust to that while not being able to wear glasses to help the other eye see clearly.

This informative post/excuse is brought to you by Linda’s One-Liner Wednesday. Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/04/05/one-liner-wednesday-time-flies/