Tag: SoCS

SoCS: writing

I miss writing.

Because of the brain fog and fatigue I’ve had over the last couple of years as a result of my extra-stetchy connective tissue from my hEDS, I can’t spend as much time writing as I would like.

Some kinds of writing, like poetry, have become almost non-existent in my life. I feel like the creative side of my brain isn’t operational the vast majority of the time – and the more analytic side is only at half-capacity, at best. Heck, I have difficulty reading literature of any kind these days. I can sometimes manage to grasp poems, if it’s in the morning and they aren’t too long. I can’t read novels because I can’t get plots and characters to stick in my head over days. I can’t even manage non-fiction books because the brain fog is too thick to remember topics over the course of days and the fatigue level is such that I can’t read very long at a sitting. I’ve been trying to keep up by reading news and commentary articles and newsletters but have been so tired lately that my inbox is overflowing with unread material.

There has been so much happening here in the US that I’ve wanted to write posts about but haven’t been able to manage, which makes me sad. I keep thinking that the next specialist visit will give us something actionable to improve my condition but, instead, it usually means more tests are needed, which means waiting for the tests to be scheduled, doing them, waiting for them to be interpreted, waiting for the specialist to see the results and interpret them – which often yields a different result than the radiology reports that land in my health portal – and get back to me with what they think is going on. Then, maybe, we get to trying a treatment that may or may not work and then onto the next option or the next specialist.

I’m grateful, though, that this year I have a specialist who was finally able to diagnose my hEDS and cerebellar ectopia and that I finally have specialists who know what to try with patients like me. Unfortunately, I might need some pretty scary treatments, like brain surgery.

So, I’m grateful and scared and exhausted and anxious and tired of all the waiting and struggling and symptoms and uncertainty.

And I miss writing and being able to make it through a day without having to spend a good chunk of it lying down and being able to take walks without having someone with me in case I lose my ability to keep my balance and going to visit family and friends and being able to concentrate and speaking without having to search for the right word in some kind of frantic brain race.

I miss the life of the mind that I took for granted as part of my identity.

And here you have an illustration of why stream of consciousness writing is so dangerous to put out there, because this is a way darker post than I thought I was going to be writing when I started out with Linda’s prompt of the word miss and decided to write about missing writing.

It is, though, on brand with Top to JC’s Mind where I usually write honestly about whatever is top of mind for me, even when that mind is more scattered and glitchy and exhausted than it used to be.

There are two big imaging studies coming up for me this week and a hugely important appointment with a specialized neurosurgeon at the end of July. Meanwhile, I’m hoping against hope to get a few significant posts written here, as opposed to the last month which has not been very substantive.

Sigh.

I miss writing.
*****
Join us for Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/06/19/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-20-2026/

SoCS: Love

Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “love.” I’m assuming she chose that prompt for today because it is Valentine’s Day and love is in the air.

B is making individual beef wellingtons for dinner with tiramisu for dessert, leaving the cocoa sprinkled on top off my portion because I can’t have it. (Update: photos here https://joannecorey.com/2026/02/18/one-liner-wednesday-valentines-food/)

Meanwhile, I will be spending the day resting after yet another medical test and a physical therapy session yesterday. If I’m lucky, I’ll manage to make vigil mass this afternoon. I’m hoping that a down day today will make if possible to get through a two and a half hour Madrigal Choir rehearsal tomorrow.

In short, I’m not doing anything special for B this Valentine’s Day.

And he is perfectly okay with that.

B and I met and became friends when I was in my first year in high school and he in his second. By the wonders of our history teacher, Miss Stewart, who seated us in alphabetical order, we were near each other. Within a couple of years, we were high school sweethearts. We married a few weeks after I graduated from college and will celebrate our 44th anniversary this spring.

Our love for each other is an integral part of who we are and who we became, given that we have been growing together since our early teens.

B doesn’t need me to have a special Valentine’s Day gift for him to assure him of my love.

He knows my love for him is who I am and I know his love for me is who he is.

I will, of course, enjoy the special dinner he is making.

And the lemon blueberry scones currently in the oven for breakfast.

But I live B’s love every day and that is the real Valentine’s Day gift that is with us for life.

I hope that love finds each of you today in whatever form it may take for you.

SoCS: Top of JC’s Mind

I started Top of JC’s Mind in September, 2013, and, sometimes, I like to take another look at some of my older posts.

It’s an eclectic blog with lots of topics and you could rummage around in old posts, too, if you like.

Sometimes, I am looking back for specific topics or events. There are also threads that weave in and out over time.

For example, I wrote a lot of comments on the eventually successful campaign to keep shale gas fracking out of New York – which had a brief, ugly reprise in the more recent effort to add CO2 fracking to our state ban. There are also renewable energy posts, including posts on heat pumps, solar panels, and EVs. We are proud to be an electrified household powered by the sun!

There are poetry posts, including posts from my residencies with the Boiler House Poets Collective at the Studios at MASS MoCA which began in fall 2015.

I’ve written quite a lot of COVID/pandemic posts. I’m humbled that one of the local historical societies has been printing those posts to place in their archives for possible research in the future.

The most poignant posts for me are the ones that involve my family. I wrote about my parents in their final years. Those posts were helpful to me at the time as a way to process what was going on but are also good to look back on from time to time.

While I’m admittedly not a great photographer, I’ve tried to include some photos. It’s handy that, during the years of Top of JC’s Mind, we have had family living in Hawai’i, and later, London. Even an amateur can take decent photos in those settings. I also like to take photos in the western Massachusetts/Southern Vermont area where I lived as a child and teen.

So, I invite you to take another look at Top of JC’s Mind.

Or a first look, if that is more applicable…
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Concsiousness Saturday this week is “take another look.” Find more information on joining us for SoCS and/or Just Jot It January here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/01/23/the-friday-reminder-for-socs-jusjojan-2026-daily-prompt-for-jan-24th/

SoCS: No Kings!

Vote for Democracy #38

No Kings! is the theme for today’s rallies against the Trump administration’s actions. It is being coordinated by the group 50501, which early on started with organizing rallies in all 50 state capitals on one day.

April 19 is a fitting day for No Kings! rallies because this is the 250th anniversary of the Battle of Lexington and Concord, which was the first battle of what became the Revolutionary War in the United States, eventually winning our freedom from the British Empire and its king – or occasional queen regent.

For those who may not know, Lexington and Concord are near Boston, Massachusetts. (I grew up in Massachusetts, although in the far western section near the Vermont border; still we learned with pride our early history and visited historic sites in and around Boston as children.) Longfellow’s poem “The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere” was written about the night before the battle, when Revere and several others took off on horseback to warn the militias in those towns to be ready for a battle with the British army.

The Old North Church in Boston is central to the story. It let Revere and the other riders know how the British were approaching by using signal lanterns in its steeple, “one if by land and two if by sea.” There were two lanterns placed when the Bostonians realized that the British were coming in from the river, so the riders knew where they had to go and who they had to warn that night.

In preparation for today’s rallies, the Old North Church, which still stands in Boston, hosted a different kind of light show, with messages projected onto it during the night.

The rallies today will continue to proclaim that the American people value our democracy and protest against Donald Trump and his adminstration’s action. When DT says things like “I am the law,” he is proclaiming himself a king with the power to decide what the law is and who should be punished. We are seeing this play out in front of us in myriad ways, but, right now, most prominently in the arrest/kidnapping of people and imprisoning them in the United States or even another country without charges or trial.

Those are some of the grievances lodged against George III 250 years ago.

No!

No then and no now!

No Kings!
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is to begin with an exclamation. Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2025/04/18/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-19-2025/

SoCS: Well-wishes

With so many celebrations going on in this season, with Solstice, Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year’s, and I’m sure even more holidays and observances, there are many well-wishes being exchanged.

We need them.

All of them.

This year, with so much going on around the world, so much death and destruction, so many willing to scapegoat or disparage anyone who isn’t like them, we need to concentrate on wishing each other well.

Not just words splashed onto a greeting card.

Actually, wishing each other well and meaning it.

Then, we need to act like it.

Choose Love.

Choose Peace.

Choose sharing.

Choose service.

I wish all of you well as we finish 2024 and move into 2025.
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “wish.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/12/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-21-2024/

SoCS: mugs

Our family has lots of mugs.

Lots.

There are Big Hug mugs that came years ago filled with FTD flowers. A pair of floral mugs that B and I received as a wedding gift 42 years ago. Mugs from my various Smith College reunions. A line of mugs related to B’s jobs. A mug with children from around the world that was given to me by the middle school principal years ago as a thank-you for being on the building planning team. Some hand-crafted ones which double as works of art. A Doctor Who mug that changes its design depending on the temperature of the liquid inside. Some mugs designed for soup instead of beverages. Sandra Boynton mugs spanning several decades.

Our most recent acquisition is a Sunday Today mug that T and I gave to B for Father’s Day. Its claim to fame is that it is very big, although, of course, it isn’t obligatory to fill it all the way. However, if you do, you need to use two tea bags.

I don’t use mugs very often myself. I don’t drink coffee or tea. I used to love cocoa but it riles up one of my medical conditions. I sometimes will drink white hot chocolate in the cooler weather or make hot milk with spices but it isn’t that frequent.

I do, though, like having reminders of our past in the cupboard, even when they make me nostalgic, like the mug from our children’s elementary school or from the elementary school where my father-in-law was principal for decades. He passed away in 2005, a few years after he retired.

Some day, we will have to downsize and cull some of our mugs.

It will be hard.
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “mug.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/10/25/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-26-2024/

SoCS: greetings

To me, the holiday season is not the same without sending cards and/or letters to people.

My ideal for many years was to send cards with handwritten notes to everyone on my list, with some people getting customized printed letters.

I’ve modified from that ideal, though, perhaps permanently, as life has gotten more stressful or busy or overwhelming in various ways.

For example, there have been years that I wrote to friends in November rather than December because I couldn’t bear to send a holiday letter that announced the death of a parent. There have been times when other family members have sent out cards to our extended family so I could concentrate on sending cards to my friends.

I send out greetings to people from many decades of my life, going back to high school days, continuing through college, and on through my decades living here. I send cards to people I haven’t seen for forty years. I send cards to people who I haven’t heard from for years and years. (That should have been “whom” but stream of consciousness rules don’t allow for edits!)

Perhaps, there are people who get my greetings and think “Why?” after all this time do I still send out my well wishes and stories of what I and my family are doing these days.

It’s important to me to let you know that I’m thinking about you and wishing you well and honoring the place you had in my life.

Even if you never read what I’ve written or even open the envelope.

I’ll never know.

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday today is “to me.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/12/08/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-9-2023/

SoCS: creativity

It’s important to me to create.

These days, I create poems. I create posts here at Top of JC’s Mind.

I also express myself creatively in less obvious ways. Through cooking. Through taking photos (on occasion. I’m not one to be constantly photographing.) In conversation. While singing. In correspondence. In my own thoughts as I’m puzzling through a complex situation and trying to find options.

I love my role in creating my family.

I also love being part of creating community, whether that is on a small, local level or something much broader, like the global community working on climate change. Even though I am a very, very tiny part of such a large community, I realize that my creativity and energy are adding to the effort.

An aspect of creativity that was very important to me as a young adult was writing music. That part of my creative life was lost to me in 2005 when we went through a crisis at my Catholic parish that fractured my relationship with it and my music ministry. Because I wrote music for them, my impetus to use my creativity to write music also broke. I think that rupture may be part of the reason I turned to poetry as a means of creative expression. That artistic energy needed somewhere to go.

Will I eventually return to writing music? At this point, I don’t anticipate that happening.

But creativity is often surprising and unpredictable and wondrous and glorious, so…
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “create.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/11/10/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-11-2023/

SoCS: “yes, and” and “no”

When you are doing improvisation exercises in theater, there is an understanding that you will do “yes, and” to build on whatever came before you. It’s the way that you keep the improvisation going.

I have found, though, that saying “yes, and” on a regular basis in life quickly leads to being overwhelmed.

Sometimes, you need to say “no” – no matter how worthy the cause. Or, at least, “not right now.”

I managed to illustrate this lesson over these last few months. I had planned to spend them concentrating on poetry, learning to market my first chapbook, Hearts, and preparing for the Boiler House Poets Collective residency in late September-early October.

What happened was that I wound up heavily involved with the launch of the Third Act Upstate New York working group and needed to devote extra time to my activities with the Madrigal Choir of Binghamton, where I sing and also sit on the Board.

I’m not sorry that I did these things; they were valuable and I gained new skills and friendships. They were also all expressions of things that are close to my heart and ways to serve others. It was just that saying “yes, and” a bit too much led to a lot of stress and was unsustainable for more than a few months. It also, unfortunately, meant that something had to give, which turned out being my efforts at book marketing, which was the only thing I could give up without having to sacrifice a group goal.

Realizing all of this, I was able to say “no, at least for now” to being on the Communications Committee for Third Act Upstate NY after our successful launch. The Boiler House Poets Collective residency was a great experience, with the BHPC members coming together to divvy up the work to prepare for next year that had largely fallen to me this year. (I really do need to get to a wrap-up post for the BHPC residency. Coming soon…) Madrigal Choir made it through our first concert of the season with flying colors. The next few weeks will be busy as we prepare and present our annual Lessons & Carols concerts the first weekend in December; there will also be Board work ongoing.

Still, things will be calmer and more manageable than the last few months have been.

I’m excited – and a bit nervous – about an upcoming manuscript consultation for my full-length collection, which I’m hoping will clarify where to seek publication for it. I have a bit more editing to do in advance of that. I’m getting some writing done with the fall season of Binghamton Poetry Project up now and have some more editing and possible new work following up from the BHPC residency.

Oh, and Top of JC’s Mind! Although I’m perpetually behind where I would like to be, I was able to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the blog in September, including the launch of joannecorey.com as an author site with access to TJCM as a feature. No worries if you continue to visit here at topofjcsmind.wordpress.com. That is the permanent address of the blog for all time – or while we still use this technology.

There are some other projects waiting in the wings and, of course, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s are coming and I have done literally no planning for them so far.

I don’t know if I can find the impetus to go back to trying to learn book marketing or not. I may have used up my energy for learning new things and being outside my comfort zone for the year.

Maybe if I manage a few months of “no, not now” instead of “yes, and” I’ll be able to recharge…
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week was “no” used alone or as part of another word. Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/10/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-28-2023/

SoCS: mostly overwhelmed

I’ve spent this summer feeling overwhelmed.

Well, mostly.

I’ve had some rare moments where I feel that things are on the right track so that they will get completed successfully on schedule – and then the next set of complications arises and I’m back to feeling overwhelmed.

I had planned for this summer to be mostly about poetry – learning more about marketing to get Hearts properly launched, working on getting poem and manuscript submissions in, and generating new work and revising after workshopping. Oh, and making preparations for the upcoming Boiler House Poets Collective residency at The Studios at MASS MoCA in North Adams that will begin late this month.

There are a lot of sayings about what happens when you make plans and then life happens and they fall apart. You can insert your favorite here…

I sit on a number of boards or committees as a volunteer, all worthy causes, centered around the environment, social justice, and the arts. They usually only take up a couple of hours a month each, but this summer, all of them seemed to simultaneously encounter a serious obstacle or be presented with an important opportunity that demanded a lot more meetings and a lot of prep work between meetings.

This all plays into my natural tendency to analyse and think deeply and brainstorm possible solutions and really, really care deeply – but this summer, about way too many things at once. With a few family health issues thrown on top and B’s move out of the offices, I’ve been feeling really stressed and that I’m not on top of anything.

Oh, and this month will bring the tenth anniversary of Top of JC’s Mind and I wanted to do some things to celebrate, like finally upgrading to have my own domain name and such. Maybe that will happen?

(You can probably tell I’m having trouble keeping my mind on one thing at a time…)

At least, an end is in sight.

The residency will happen whether or not I’m optimally prepared, followed by the official launch of the Third Act Upstate New York Working Group on October 5 – you’ll be hearing more about that when registration information becomes available – and the first Madrigal Choir of Binghamton concert on October 22nd, which you’ll also be hearing more about closer to the date. And stuff will be going on with church and poetry and blogging and family and the news and on and on.

So, I did say “an end” rather than “the end.”

I know that more complications will arise and there will be more to do and ponder and meet about but I’m making plans to step back in some ways so that I’m not feeling so overwhelmed and can try to concentrate more on poetry again, as I had originally intended.

Not sure if I will manage it or not but you’ll probably (eventually) find out by staying tuned here at Top of JC’s Mind.

At least, I hope so…
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “mostly/at least.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/09/08/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-9-2023/