Category: family

(a different) Mother’s Day

In the US, we are observing Mother’s Day today. While its origin was in a call for peace after the Civil War, today it is celebrated as a tribute to mothers of all types and ages.

Since the death of my mother in May, 2019, Mother’s Day has felt bittersweet to me, as it brings back that time when, within two May weeks, there was my mom’s last Mother’s Day, birthday, and the date of her death. It’s complicated further by having daughter E and granddaughters ABC and JG five time zones away.

This year has brought the additional worry of a family member’s upcoming surgery and the possibility of an underlying disorder yet to be diagnosed.

Then, there is the general upheaval in the US and so many other places in the world, war, hunger, the climate crisis, disasters, and I will end the list here, but we know it is much longer.

It’s a lot with which to contend and I’m not coping very well.

I mentioned in a Stream of Consciousness Saturday post in mid-April that I was hearing a sound in my left ear. This, along with some additional symptoms, has led to several primary care visits, a diagnosis of tinnitus, some attempts at treatment, and, on Friday, a decision to order an MRI to rule out various tumors or other abnormalities.

Of course, there is the possibility of not “ruling out” but discovering.

I admit that I’m struggling. I’m practiced with blocking things out or setting them aside to concentrate on caring for family members. Part of my problem right now is that the timing is unfortunate as I am the main driver and errand-runner and don’t want to be out of commission when I’m needed to help with surgical recovery and follow-on medical appointments. I know spouse B will drop everything at work to take care of things but I also know that his project is in a critical phase right now.

I need humility, trust, and the grace to step aside and let others take over the work I should or have been doing and put other things aside for a while, but it’s hard and I’m worried and tired.

Maybe they will examine my head and not find anything.

Wait. That doesn’t sound right.

Maybe they won’t find anything dangerous.

Maybe, I can get a grip when the MRI is actually scheduled and on my calendar. After all, this is not my first rodeo with medical mystery ailments. Some of them have even been mine. I’m just more annoyed with my own. I know I need to channel some of the compassion I have toward others and apply it to myself.

And maybe take a nap.

It’s been helpful to write this down. I am questioning whether or not it is wise to post it, but have decided to do so because authenticity is part of the charm? hallmark? conceit? of Top of JC’s Mind.

And, yes, it’s Mother’s Day and B is making lamb spiedies and grilled asparagus with his homemade tiramisu for dessert.

And there have been sweet cards and a present.

And the lilies of the valley are starting to bloom.

They were my mother’s birth flower and a favorite of hers.

The photo is from my mother’s 87th and last birthday, lilies of the valley from our yard and cards from my father and their artist-friend Jim.

Miss you today, Mom.

SoCS: notes and notes

As a musician, I think first of musical notes. How many thousands of them have I seen in piano or organ scores, choral music, hymnals, study scores, the Sesame Street Songbook still sitting on my piano, even with no little ones around?

Of course, I think of written notes, too. I still write myself reminder notes or notes to leave on the kitchen counter for the rest of the family when I need to go out. I used to write long-hand notes to people quite a lot, although many of those have been replaced by email at this point.

Does email still qualify as a note?
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Linda’s prompt from Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “note.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/05/03/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-4-2024/

February in London

Belatedly sharing a bit more about our February visit to see our daughter E, son-in-law L, and granddaughters ABC and JG.

Most of the visit was spending time with the family at our rental home in their East London neighborhood. There were games and make-believe, reading, puzzles, drawing, watching BBC children’s programs, especially Swashbuckle, eating, napping, and even a couple of sleepovers for ABC and JG.

Our nod to the girls’ being on half-term break from school was a visit to the Tower of London. Given that we had a 3- and 6-year-old in tow, it wasn’t the most comprehensive visit, but we did see the Crown Jewels, the White Tower, and more cannons and armor than I’ve seen in the rest of my life combined.

ABC and JG were not enamored of the ravens.


London winters are much milder than here in the Northeast US, so daffodils were blooming at our rental house, even though it was only mid-February.

There was the excitement of ABC losing her fifth baby tooth. Of course, the Tooth Fairy arrived on schedule!

Mostly, though, the trip was a time for me, B, and T to be Nana, Grandpa, and Auntie. Because of the distance and infrequency of visits, we aren’t sure when we will be able to see them again, so it’s nice to have a remembrance of some snuggling time.


(In the photo at the top of the post, ABC’s bear is wearing a Binghamton Rumble Ponies hat. The Rumble Ponies are the AA baseball club of the New York Mets. Bear is trying on ABC’s cap.)

SoCS: living room couch

Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is to write about a memory of the room you are in. I’m in my living room, looking at our empty couch and remembering a holiday photo when out-of-town relatives arrived to visit after Christmas. We had gathered in front of, on, and behind the couch.

There were my parents, my sisters and one brother-in-law, daughters and son-in-law, niece and nephew. My other brother-in-law isn’t in the photo because he was the photographer.

The person who was there but declined to join the photo was my mother-in-law. We wanted her to join in but she didn’t want to because it was “my side of the family” and she didn’t feel that she belonged. To me, it was just family and she belonged in the photo but, of course, we accepted her decision.

We didn’t know that she would suffer a heart attack that next March and pass away. We just passed the anniversary of her death.

We’ve since lost both my parents. Daughter E and her family are living “across the pond” in London. With my parents gone, I don’t have as many opportunities to see my sisters who came to our area to see them.

So, this morning, empty couch. Lots of memories.

the empty couch

COVID into the fifth year

Four years ago, here in the US, things were pretty much shut down due to the COVID-19 pandemic. B was working from home. I was the household’s designated shopper and would go, masked, to the grocery store every other week to stock up, although I’d sometimes have to visit more than one store because supply was a problem. We managed to keep ourselves safe, although we were horrified at the death toll in the US and around the world and at the people who became very ill. Over time, we also saw that some people had lasting damage to their lungs or other organs and others had symptoms that debilitated them for months.

Now, things are much better, due to vaccines and other precautions that have cut down on serious illnesses, although the US has slipped on vaccination, even as the virus has mutated in ways that make SARS-CoV-2 more infectious and immune-evasive. There are still way too many people getting sick and suffering long-term damage or death. While there are studies and some treatments on-going, there are still a lot of people suffering from long COVID.

We finally had our first case of COVID in our house last November, when B contracted it at a rare, in-person event for work. He isolated in part of our house and daughter T and I remained infection-free.

I don’t know how much longer we will be able to manage that status.

I was disappointed when the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention changed their guidance about isolating when infected with COVID. The new recommendations are for respiratory viruses in general and say that people can resume normal activities when their symptoms are improving and they have been without fever for 24 hours without being on fever-reducing medication. People are supposed to use masking, distancing, and other strategies to protect others from infection for five days afterward.

While I appreciate CDC’s reasoning, which is based on statistics, I don’t find it personally useful. It is typical that a person with COVID is infectious for ten days. It’s entirely possible to be fever-free and have improving symptoms and still be infectious. I’m afraid that most people won’t hear or won’t follow through on the part of the recommendation for masking and taking precautions to avoid exposing others after they leave isolation. This is especially troubling to me because so many people are not current on their vaccinations and/or are vulnerable due to age or health conditions. It’s great that the immunity level in the population halved the rate of serious illness and death, but that’s cold comfort if you expose a loved one, neighbor, co-worker, etc. and they become seriously I’ll or die.

If/when I contract COVID, I will isolate and mask until I test negative and am reasonably sure I can’t transmit the virus to anyone else. I want to protect my family and my community, especially our elders and those with medical issues, from contracting a virus that could cause them severe symptoms.

Please remember, when you see someone wearing a mask in public, to be kind and understanding. It’s entirely possible that they are trying to protect your health, not just their own.

(COVID Photo by Martin Sanchez on Unsplash)

One-Liner Wednesday: I haven’t quite fallen off the face of the earth

Just a reassurance that I will get back to substantive posting soon (I hope), after a period of travel, catching up after travel, family health issues, not nearly enough sleep, manuscript work, jet lag/time change, trying to solve problems that never should have happened in the first place, rallying and lobbying against CO2 fracking/carbon sequestration and working on tax returns…

Join us for Linda’s One-Liner Wednesdays! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/03/06/one-liner-wednesday-detriment/

First Royalties

Last week, I received my first ever royalties payment on the copies of my poetry chapbook Hearts, which was published by Kelsay Books in May, 2023.

The payment covered the copies sold through the Kelsay Books website and on Amazon in 2023. (If you are lucky enough to still have an independent bookstore near you, they can also order Hearts for you through Ingram.)

It turns out that I had sold more copies myself, in person and through mail order, than I had online.

Yay, me?

At any rate, I’m now working on 2024 sales, so feel free to order at either of the links above, through your favorite local independent bookstore, or directly from me. I can arrange to meet up or deliver locally or send by mail in the US. You may email me at jcorey.poet@gmail.com to make arrangements or for more information.

I’m also available to give readings at bookstores, book club meetings, libraries, or anywhere else that might want to invite me. I could discuss Hearts, which revolves around my mother in her final years, or, more likely, read a more wide-ranging selection of my work and take questions. I could even throw in some blogging discussion, if that is of interest. I’m open to travelling to your venue or appearing virtually, so feel free to make a proposal that would suit you and your group!

I’m still near the beginning of the learning curve on the whole promotion aspect of authorship, so, please, also feel free to send along any advice or tips you may have.

Thanks to everyone who has purchased or read Hearts, written a review, and/or communicated with me about their own reflections and reactions. It has been a special experience for me knowing that my poems reach people and remind them of aspects of their own lives.

I also appreciate the support of the readers at Top of JC’s Mind. I’ll continue to keep you posted about my poet-life, plus a whole lot more, here.

In gratitude,
Joanne Corey

Ronald Perera memorial concert

Earlier this month, I was privileged to attend a memorial concert for Ron Perera, composer and professor emeritus of music at Smith College. The concert took place in Sweeney Concert Hall in Sage Hall, the long-time center of musical life on campus. I had taken five semesters of theory and composition with Mr. Perera and he had been my major advisor. We had been in touch variously over the decades and we had enjoyed a wonderful lunch together last spring when I was back on campus to sing with the Smith College Alumnae Chorus.

All the pieces at the concert were Ron Perera’s compositions, some of which were performed by the musicians for whom they were written. I especially appreciated seeing pianist Professor Emerita Monica Jakuc Leverett perform Out of Shadow almost 36 years after its premiere. Another piano piece that I loved was Three Waltzes for Four Hands, written for Ron’s three daughters, and performed by Professor Emeritus Kenneth Fearn and his daughter, Kaeza. I’m looking forward to ordering a copy for daughter E and son-in-law L to play for our granddaughters ABC and JG.

As a writer and choral singer, I was especially drawn to the choral pieces that opened and closed the concert. The opening was “Hold Out Your Hands Over the Earth” from The Outermost House, text by Henry Beston. The work was commissioned by the Chatham Chorale, on Cape Cod. The Perera family lived on the Cape during the summers and Ron loved to sail there. Some of the text in this movement is:

To all who love her, who open to her the doors of their veins, she gives strength, sustaining them with her own measureless tremor of dark life. Touch the earth, love the earth, honor the earth, her plains, her valleys, her hills, and her seas; rest your spirit in her solitary places.

It was a perfect reflection to begin.

Besides the music, there were four remembrances in the program. The first was from one of Ron’s daughters, Rosalind, which also served as a welcome. Two were from pastors of St. John’s Episcopal Church, located in the midst of Smith’s campus, where Ron was a long-time member and volunteer. The other was from Professor Emeritus Donald Wheelock, who was Ron’s composer-colleague for many years and who helped to organize the concert. It was beautiful to hear them speak about his kind, caring nature and the depth and breadth of his thoughts, talents, interests, and beliefs. Even as a college student, I could sense what a wonderful man he was and it was inspiring to hear how he sustained those qualities throughout his life and shared them with so many, most especially his family.

The concert closed with the Smith College Chamber Singers offering Ron’s setting of Percy Bysshe Shelley’s “Music, When Soft Voices Die” conducted by Jonathan Hirsh, who is a current faculty member, friend of Ron, and another concert organizer. He had graciously kept me apprised of the plans as the memorial came together so that I could arrange to attend. It was such a perfect, quiet, love-filled ending to the memorial. “And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,/ Love itself shall slumber on.”

At the reception after the concert, I was able to speak briefly with Don Wheelock and Jonathan Hirsh and at greater length with the third organizer, Professor Emerita Karen Smith Emerson. I am grateful for their work in putting the program together to celebrate a remarkable, generous, talented man who leaves a legacy of music and writings but, more importantly, of human connection and spiritual strength.

I’m also grateful to CK, Smith ’81, and her spouse who opened their lovely home near campus to B and me for the weekend. I appreciated their hospitality and their companionship at the concert and reception. I’m hoping CK will be able to sing with us the next time I’m back on campus for an event with the Smith College Alumnae Chorus.

It will be bittersweet, though, knowing that Ron will not be there to hear us. Maybe, we will perform a piece of his music in remembrance…

recording of the concert

(grand)childcare

(Photo: ABC’s bear wearing a Binghamton Rumble Ponies cap)

Spouse B, daughter T, and I are in London this week visiting daughter E, son-in-law L, and granddaughters ABC and JG for half-term break. This first half of the week, both E and L are working, so our main goal is taking care of ABC and JG so they can do that.

The last time we were together in person was April when they came to our home in the US. Although we do video calls, they can’t really capture the changes that happen. JG, now 3 and attending full-day nursery school is chatting up a storm! She loves making puzzles, zooming around our rental house near their home, and following the lead of 6-year-old ABC, who likes or tolerates it most of the time. ABC, now in year 2 at school, is reading well and a master of make-believe. She can make up songs and lyrics on the spot, taking after her musically-and-literary-accomplished parents. ABC also enjoys dance and art.

I love watching B being Grandpa, playing games, reading stories, preparing meals and snacks, and dozing off during naptime. T is an involved auntie, playing endless games of hide-and-seek and whatever make-believe ABC has invented and giving gentle hugs, in deference to her still-healing shoulder.

My favorite thing is just being here as family. With the ocean between us, it’s a rare gift to snuggle on the couch, especially with JG who was born during the early part of the pandemic and whom we didn’t get to meet in person until she was a year old. Such a different grandparenting experience than with ABC who lived with us in the US until she was two.

For JG, I’m just Nana. ABC, though, remembers her Great-Nana, who passed away in 2019.

I miss my parents and wish I could be as good a grandparent as they were with E and T.

Writing about family

Today’s prompt for Linda’s Just Jot It January is “family,” contributed by Kim of Twisted Trunk Travels. Check out their blogs!

Over these last ten-ish years of writing poetry and blogging here at Top of JC’s Mind, I have written way more often about my family than I thought I would. Of course, it made perfect sense to blog about visiting daughter E and son-in-law L in Hawai’i, as folks often blog about their travels, but as time and circumstances changed and I faced the challenges of caregiving for various generations of the family, posts about family became more frequent. I also used poetry as a way to process things that were going on with my family, most notably about my mother’s experiences living with and dying from heart disease, which became my first published chapbook, Hearts (Kelsay Books, 2023).

I do try to protect my family members by referring to them with initials or nicknames rather than their given names. Nearly all of them use a different surname so only people who know us in real life are likely to recognize them from posts. Currently, spouse B and daughter T are most likely to appear as we are living in the same house, although we will soon be going to visit daughter E, son-in-law L, and granddaughters ABC and JG in London. which may generate some posts. My daughters’ grandparents were called on the blog by the names they used for them, Nana and Paco for my parents and Grandma for B’s mom. (Sadly, B’s dad, known as Grandpa, passed away in 2005, before I was blogging and writing poetry, although his death was the subject of one of my earliest published poems.) If you are perusing the archives of Top of JC’s Mind, you’ll come across posts dealing with their final years and the grief following their deaths.

One thing that strikes me about my family posts and poems is how often they spark comments and conversations about people’s own experiences. Knowing that I offer that space for people to reflect on themselves and their own families is a big part of why I continue to write about my family.

What about you? Do you find it helpful to write about your family, either privately in a journal or in more public ways?
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It’s not too late to join in with #JusJoJan24! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/01/29/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-29th-2024/