Tag: heart

re-jiggering part 3 – or 547?

One of the running themes of this blog – and my life – has been my constant need to adjust my plans. The last post that I titled re-jiggering was actually my second by that name, so this is part 3 in terms of blog titles, but some much larger number in terms of reality.

As my more frequent visitors know, we have been dealing with health issues with my mom, known here as Nana. On August 31st, she finally had the long-awaited diagnostic heart catheterization, which confirmed that she has two heart valves that are severely compromised. They need to be replaced using a technique called TAVR, which involves working through the blood vessels to get to the heart rather than cutting through the chest as in open heart surgery. Our local hospital is not equipped to replace multiple valves in this way, so we are in the process of referral to Columbia in New York City.

One of my sisters lives in NYC and the other has already offered to go the City to help Nana and Paco, so the current plan is that I will stay here to hold down the fort at their apartment in a nearby senior living community.

Timeline to be determined, but we are hoping it will be a matter of weeks. I hope that readers will send out a prayer, healing thoughts, and/or positive energy for Nana.

In the post I linked above, the other re-jiggering that was going on had to do with my writing. True to form, I wound up re-jiggering that, too.

I had expected to spend time working on my poetry collection, but, instead, diverted to a secret poetry mission. Excitement! Mystery! Or, at the very least, poetic license. All will be revealed sometime in the last third of September. Stay tuned!

Meanwhile, I have revised my plans for the Boiler House Poets reunion residency at MASS MoCA, which begins September 30. I had hoped to have a working manuscript of my collection assembled by then, but it isn’t going to happen. My new plan is to use the residency to get feedback and do revisions on some of the poems that have not yet been workshopped, write some poems that I have been planning, and be on the lookout for new inspirations, including the new works that will be on display at MoCA. In those periods when I am too exhausted/tired/frazzled to be creative, I can do further work on ordering the collection and drafting a forward and notes. My local poets feel that some of the ekphrastic poems, which is the fancy term for poems that are about a work of art, could benefit from a note about the the art piece on which they are based.

Meanwhile, in Tibet…

Sorry, a bit of Boiler House inside baseball there…

Meanwhile, I will transcribe some poems that are still only scrawled in various journals, notepads, and pamphlets into my google docs and buy a new Chromebook, as my current one is getting a bit unreliable and I need it working well for the residency. I also hope to get a few half completed blog posts out to the world. (I am not even bothering to project a timeframe to get back to my reading/commenting routine. Circumstances have pushed that even further into the realm of nebulous “someday”.)

And, of course, fulfilling my secret poetry mission…

 

 

 

SoCS: three dates

My mother – known as Nana here at Top of JC’s Mind – needs a diagnostic heart catheterization as follow-up to this fainting episode and likely prelude to heart valve replacement surgery.

The date of the heart cath was supposed to be June 28.

The week before, she had to have blood work done and the cardiologist didn’t like some of the numbers, so he cancelled it.

After weeks of doctor visits and tests, she was cleared to proceed.

The next date was August 17.

Unfortunately, the day she had to have the pre-procedure blood draw, she developed shortness of breath and wound up in the hospital overnight with a new diagnosis of congestive heart failure. She was discharged from the hospital and sent home to rest, waiting for the planned procedure on the 17th.

Except that the doctor’s office, looking at the pre-hospital rather than post-hospital blood work, cancelled it again.

I was very, very, very, very, very upset. After consulting with her primary care, the cardiologist promised to fit her in next week.

And then proceeded to give us the date of August 31st.

Which is not next week.

I’m still pretty upset, especially because the delay is what I feel got her into the diagnostic category of heart failure.

But, deep breath, and all that…

Fortunately, she is doing quite well now, although she has to take it very easy.

We are waiting for August 31st.

Third time’s the charm.

At least it better be.
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “date.” Join us! Find out how here:  https://lindaghill.com/2016/08/19/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-2016/

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SoCS: heartbreaking news

I am writing this on Friday as we await news on a former pastor, Father James.

He is in a coma in ICU and expected to die soon.

The news is heartbreaking.

I am not heartbroken for him, as he will be released from suffering and dwelling in God who is Eternal Love.

I am heartbroken for his family and friends and all his former parishioners who will miss his care, concern, sense of humor, and gentleness. Although he was retired, he said Mass at local parishes. Just in the last few weeks, I attended a couple of Masses at which he presided.

He was the pastor of a church I attended for over twenty years. He was the pastor for both of my daughters’ baptisms and first communions, as well as my elder daughter’s confirmation. I served on liturgy committee for him for many years, as well as participating in music ministry with my daughters.

After he retired, our parish, which I had known as a welcoming home, ran into major difficulties and eventually disintegrated. That is still heartbreaking.

It is also heartbreaking that the church building that we had renovated under his leadership is no longer a Catholic church. After being damaged in a second major flood, it was closed and, years later, sold to a nearby Christian college. They have recently re-opened it as their chapel, but it is no longer the place we built together. Even the stained glass windows had been removed.

We will lay him to rest from his boyhood church, though, which is fitting. That church is also the mother church in our area, meaning it is the oldest congregation.

One of his favorite Bible verses was from Micah 6:8:   “And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

And he showed us how to do that.

Another passage is also coming to mind for me, from Matthew 25:21:  “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

I am also thinking of a setting of the final commendation, which is a prayer at the end of Catholic funerals, that we used to sing in Resurrection Choir when Father James would be presiding at parish funerals. The setting was done by Ernest Sands and used this refrain:  “May the choirs of angels come to greet you. May they speed you to paradise. May the Lord enfold you in His mercy. May you find eternal life.”

Amen.
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “break/brake.” Join us! Find out how here: https://lindaghill.com/2016/05/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-2116/ .

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April 8

I am going to preface this post with the statement that Nana is doing well, so as not to cause anyone undue stress.

On Friday, April 8th, my plan was to do a couple of things at Grandma’s cottage, which we were working on cleaning out, have lunch with a friend, and then head to Syracuse to bring daughter T home for the weekend, which would be her first time home since Grandma died on March 22nd.

A few minutes after I arrived at the senior community, my cell phone rang. It was my mom (Nana) calling from the emergency room. She had collapsed in the waiting room of a medical building across the street from the hospital. The rapid response team had done a couple of rounds of CPR on her and she was in the emergency room for monitoring and tests.

I used the speakerphone to tell B what was happening. He made arrangements to go to Syracuse to get T. I left messages for my friend not to expect me for lunch. Meanwhile, I drove to the hospital.

I was lucky to find a parking space in the visitors’ lot and rushed up the hill toward the emergency entrance, a cold wind blowing directly into my face, making it difficult to catch my breath. After an unusually mild winter, we had a couple of cold snowy weeks once spring had officially arrived.

Once I was able to get through the line and behind the locked doors of the ER, the wait was on. An EKG was done. The heart monitor was tracing green lines across a screen above Nana’s head. Blood was drawn for tests. They took Nana down for a chest X-ray. There was a line started in her arm, although she wasn’t hooked up to any intravenous fluids. She wasn’t allowed to eat or drink. We were talking to pass the time. The ER became increasingly busy and noisy.

Nana was having some pain in her back and chest. The nurse told us it was from the CPR. A small price to pay from having been brought back from death…

Several hours later, the physician assigned to her case came in. Nana was not dehydrated. Her electrolytes were fine. She hadn’t had a heart attack.

In fact, her heart had not stopped at all.

She had fainted, mostly likely from a combination of cold, wind, walking too quickly uphill in the morning when her medications tend to drop her blood pressure.

We were grateful that she was okay, although I admit that I have been struggling with the fact that a highly trained medical team missed her pulse and performed CPR when they should have been reaching for the smelling salts.

This was especially difficult as she has had to deal with a bruised chest and ribs over these following weeks. It was all unnecessary.

For me, it was also an extra measure of fear that pushed me within a hair’s breadth of melting down. I have been working hard at keeping myself functional during this stressful time. For a few hours, I felt as though I might not be able to cope with an added crisis.

Thank God that Nana and the rest of the family were spared what could have been so much worse.

 

 

 

InterSpiritual: Delving Into Sacred Wells to Stir the Heart Awake

My friend Jamie shares another post about interspirituality. We met in person at a local interspirituality conference and it is definitely a way of being that draws my heart.

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Underwater cave in a tropical coral reef (Photo from 4freephotos) Underwater cave in a tropical coral reef. Public domain photo courtesy 4freephotos.

Here’s another lovely musing from fellow mystic-writer (etc.) Mirabai Starr.

I recently shared a perspective from her on the Feminine Mystic.

This one is how she describes her own experience of walking the InterSpiritual Way.

Different from interspiritual or multi-faith, Interspirituality is the path of exploring the commonalities and underlying wisdom that can be found at the mystic-heart of many traditions … religious, spiritual, indigenous-ancestral.

Here’s how Mirabai Starr responding to one question in an interview with Tami Simon of Sounds True. You’ll find the link to the full interview just below.

“Brother Wayne Teasdale coined the term Interspirituality, and it refers to the interconnectedness of all the spiritual ways of the world.

The Interspiritual movement is much more about sharing prayer, sharing spiritual practice, sharing those heart-opening and spirit transforming experiences of the Divine that…

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One-Liner Wednesday: change

“Every change of mind is first of all a change of heart.”
— The 14th Dalai Lama

Join us for Linda’s One-Liner Wednesdays! Find out how here:  http://lindaghill.com/2015/09/16/one-liner-wednesday-because-seriously-no-one-wants-to-be-around-me/

Olive’s Vision of God | National Catholic Reporter

Source: Olive’s Vision of God | National Catholic Reporter

I loved this article about Olive and images of God. I’ve been dealing with issues of gendered language in the church for decades and caught flack for setting a text in which God, portrayed as Wisdom, is feminine, even though the text was biblical.

Here, wisdom comes from the mouths – and crayons – of babes.

One-Liner Wednesday: education

“Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.”
– Aristotle

This post is part of Linda’s One-Liner Wednesday.  Join us! Link here:  http://lindaghill.com/2015/05/13/one-liner-wednesday-throw-em-a-pool-noodle/

One-Liner Wednesday: Mystery

“The greatest mystery of all is the human heart.”
– P. D. James

Join us for Linda’s One Liner Wednesdays:  http://lindaghill.com/2015/05/06/one-liner-wednesday-keepin-it-simple/

Writing from the heart

This is a comment that I just posted to a lovely blog posting here:  http://suchpoeticjustice.wordpress.com/2014/11/23/it-seems-i-am-a-writer/ which ends with the invitation to answer “What do you write? Why do you write it? How does it get from your heart to the page?” Please feel free to respond to these questions, too, if you are so moved, either here at Top of JC’s Mind, at her blog Such Poetic Justice, by posting a link to your own blog entry, or some combination thereof!

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I am so excited to read your post! In the way that the blogging world seems to unfold, my path here was from Jason Cushman, who blogs as Opinionated Man, to his mom Susan Cushman to her writer/friend/Memphis-resident Ellen to you! I will try to answer your questions and enter the conversation without going on too long….

I do several types of writing – none of which I actually get paid to do. I blog at https://topofjcsmind.wordpress.com, an eclectic mix of commentary on current events, personal reflections, poetry, and whatever else is at the top of my mind.

I write a lot of comments on news articles about shale oil/gas, renewable energy, climate change, and other environmental issues. I am part of the fracktivist community in NY, where I live along the PA border with a front row seat to the problems our PA neighbors are having. Some of this writing shows up in my blog, too.

In recent years, I have returned to my childhood love of writing poetry. I am just beginning to publish a bit, mostly in local venues, although my first appearance in an anthology in Great Britain is upcoming. Some of my poetry goes up on my blog, too, although I have to be careful not to put too much out there if I intend to submit it to journals, who generally won’t accept anything that has been published in any form, including on my tiny blog.

I was very interested to read in your post about writing sermons, which I do not do, but I have written various prayers over the years for use by my local Roman Catholic parishes. I also sometimes write on spiritual topics on my blog.

The question of how my writing gets from my heart to the page is an interesting one. Although we tend to think of writing as coming from our heads, it is really the heart source that gives writing its passion and meaning. I realized from your question that most of the things about which I write are really energized by my heart, however much all those words need to get processed through my brain. I generally reflect, mull, and, especially with poetry, draft my writing in my head before I write or type it. I do then usually go back and re-read and edit. With poetry, the writing process tends to take days/weeks/months and I am pleased to have recently been able to join a group of local poets for feedback on our work.

Now that I have been going on about this here in your comments, I think I will copy to my blog with a pingback here and see if we can get some more people sharing about their writing. Thanks so much for the opportunity!