Category: Stream of Consciousness Saturday

SoCS: phones

I know I’ve written before about my troubled relationship with my cell phone, including in my JC’s Confessions series.

That was a while back and I can’t say that the relationship has gotten any better. I’m still not a fan of people thinking they can call or text me at any time and that I will respond. And by “people” I mean businesses and individuals who aren’t close family/friends.

Unlike most people, I don’t have my phone with me at all times and I turn it off at night. When I’m out and about, I usually have it silenced so that it doesn’t interrupt whatever I’m doing.

For the most part, I try not to give out my cell number. It annoys me that, in situations where I have to use it as a secondary or emergency contact number, places like doctors’ offices will default to using it, even though I’ve said that it is for emergencies only. I sometimes have to remove the number from my profile to get them to stop calling or texting.

I prefer to have people call my landline and leave a message if no one is availabe to answer. Then, I can return calls when I am available and have time.

I just don’t need the dentist office telling me I have an appointment the next day when I’m in the frozen food aisle at the grocery store.

In truth, I don’t use the phone as much as I used to. For decades, I spoke to my mom nearly every day by phone, usually even on days that I would be seeing her in person later on. She passed away in 2019 and my father in 2021. With B working from home and T living with us and E and her family in Europe, I don’t have any regular family phone calls anymore.

When the phone rings these days, it’s most likely to come up as “potential spam” on the caller ID.

The answering machine can handle that…
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “phone.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/09/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-14-2024/

SoCS: time

“Tick-tock. Time’s a-wasting.”

I remember that saying from when I was young, although I haven’t heard it for a long time now.

But, yeah, time is rushing by with so much pressure these days.

My inbox is filled with urgent messages about the upcoming election, the climate crisis, closing submission calls for poetry and manuscripts, important meetings and webinars, pleas for donations. (I probably should have said inboxes, as I have several email addresses that I have to maintain.)

And I have very limited energy to respond.

While we continue to rule out reasons for my health issues, we haven’t been able to track down the underlying cause. We are addressing the symptoms that we can but the most upsetting ones, the fatigue and brain fog, aren’t able to be improved at this point. I’m working around them as best I can by listening to my body and trying to be gentle with myself.

But, tick-tock, time is rushing by with all its demands and things that can’t/won’t wait.

And I’m only able to do a sliver of what I wish I could.

I do try to remind myself that I’m only a very, very, very tiny entity in this world and in all these efforts and that others are taking up the slack. It won’t be my fault if the election goes to the Republicans and they crash the country and trash the climate (except that I know I share the guilt of social sin, but I can’t stream-of-consciousness an explanation of Catholic social justice doctrine and our responsibilities to humanity and the world. And you’re welcome that I’m not trying to.)

The more personal side of dealing with my health right now is that I have a ton of work to do with my poetry and it is taking a loooong time to do it, if I can do it at all. There is also the sinking feeling that it isn’t as good as it could/should be. There is also the fear that I won’t be able to recover fully from this and will face yet another instance in my life where I set aside my own work to deal with other pressing concerns and then lost the ability to go back to it. I am content with those past choices I made and would not change them, but this feels different because it is my own health that is the obstacle this time.

The biggest regret, though, is that another family member is dealing with a bigger health issue and I’m not as able to help as I would like to be.

Tick-tock. Time’s a-wasting…
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “tack/tech/tick/tock/tuck.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/09/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-7-2024/

SoCS: Joyce’s chickens

One of the substacks I read regularly is Joyce Vance.

She is a lawyer and legal scholar whose commentary I hear often on television. She writes long and thoughtful posts about the current legal issues in the United States, of which there are many.

To lighten things, she also posts about her hobbies.

She will show us what her latest knitting project is, for example.

The thing other than law about which she posts most, though, is her chickens.

She and her family keep a coop with several varieties of chickens. She posts about what she is feeding them. Their interactions with the family’s dog and cat. Their new coop. What they are doing around the yard. How they hop up into her lap sometimes.

She will also occasionally post photos of their eggs. Because there are different breeds, the eggs are various colors and sizes.

The chickens bring Joyce comfort and joy, which she shares with her readers.

I admit that I have no desire to care for chickens myself, but I appreciate Joyce’s sharing her love with all of us.
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “chicken or egg.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/06/28/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-29-2024/

SoCS: health update

So, here is a reminder for those of you caught under a heat dome as we are here in the Northeast US at the moment: Drink plenty of water.

“Water” is Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week and, as always, you are invited to join us.

Admittedly, I’m mostly posting today for SoCS not to talk about water but to let people know that I’ve finally managed to do the health update I promised at SoCS last week.

And now, I need to rest.

Maybe I should have some more water first.

SoCS: to be continued

I briefly considered trying to stream-of-consciousness style sum up the last couple of weeks but thought better of it.

When I do manage to get that post together I’ll come back here to add the link.

[Update here.]
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week was sum, either alone or as part of a longer word. Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/06/14/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-15-2024/

SoCS: scones

I just finished eating some yummy apple cinnamon scones that B made.

It’s a recipe that he developed starting from a Bisquick base, so it is quick to put together. Less measuring than working totally from scratch, which he also does.

One of my favorite scratch recipes is his pumpkin scones, for which we often use frozen honey nut squash. Well, you do have to thaw the squash first. In the fall when the farm stands are about to close and are selling winter squash by the box, we often buy a bunch of honey nut squash to bake, mash, and portion out to freeze so that we can use it for recipes for months to come.

But today, the apple cinnamon scones hit the spot.

Starting from the Bisquick base, it’s easy to make lots of variations. Besides fresh fruits, like apples, peaches, or plums, we use dried fruits, such as cranberries, currants, or raisins. There are lots of variations for the recipe, depending on what you have on hand.

We also add a bit of sugar, white or brown, and spice, often cinnamon but possibly nutmeg or cardamon, depending on what we use for fruit.

I hope I’m not making you hungry….
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “recipe.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/05/31/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-1-2024/

(a different) Mother’s Day

In the US, we are observing Mother’s Day today. While its origin was in a call for peace after the Civil War, today it is celebrated as a tribute to mothers of all types and ages.

Since the death of my mother in May, 2019, Mother’s Day has felt bittersweet to me, as it brings back that time when, within two May weeks, there was my mom’s last Mother’s Day, birthday, and the date of her death. It’s complicated further by having daughter E and granddaughters ABC and JG five time zones away.

This year has brought the additional worry of a family member’s upcoming surgery and the possibility of an underlying disorder yet to be diagnosed.

Then, there is the general upheaval in the US and so many other places in the world, war, hunger, the climate crisis, disasters, and I will end the list here, but we know it is much longer.

It’s a lot with which to contend and I’m not coping very well.

I mentioned in a Stream of Consciousness Saturday post in mid-April that I was hearing a sound in my left ear. This, along with some additional symptoms, has led to several primary care visits, a diagnosis of tinnitus, some attempts at treatment, and, on Friday, a decision to order an MRI to rule out various tumors or other abnormalities.

Of course, there is the possibility of not “ruling out” but discovering.

I admit that I’m struggling. I’m practiced with blocking things out or setting them aside to concentrate on caring for family members. Part of my problem right now is that the timing is unfortunate as I am the main driver and errand-runner and don’t want to be out of commission when I’m needed to help with surgical recovery and follow-on medical appointments. I know spouse B will drop everything at work to take care of things but I also know that his project is in a critical phase right now.

I need humility, trust, and the grace to step aside and let others take over the work I should or have been doing and put other things aside for a while, but it’s hard and I’m worried and tired.

Maybe they will examine my head and not find anything.

Wait. That doesn’t sound right.

Maybe they won’t find anything dangerous.

Maybe, I can get a grip when the MRI is actually scheduled and on my calendar. After all, this is not my first rodeo with medical mystery ailments. Some of them have even been mine. I’m just more annoyed with my own. I know I need to channel some of the compassion I have toward others and apply it to myself.

And maybe take a nap.

It’s been helpful to write this down. I am questioning whether or not it is wise to post it, but have decided to do so because authenticity is part of the charm? hallmark? conceit? of Top of JC’s Mind.

And, yes, it’s Mother’s Day and B is making lamb spiedies and grilled asparagus with his homemade tiramisu for dessert.

And there have been sweet cards and a present.

And the lilies of the valley are starting to bloom.

They were my mother’s birth flower and a favorite of hers.

The photo is from my mother’s 87th and last birthday, lilies of the valley from our yard and cards from my father and their artist-friend Jim.

Miss you today, Mom.

SoCS: notes and notes

As a musician, I think first of musical notes. How many thousands of them have I seen in piano or organ scores, choral music, hymnals, study scores, the Sesame Street Songbook still sitting on my piano, even with no little ones around?

Of course, I think of written notes, too. I still write myself reminder notes or notes to leave on the kitchen counter for the rest of the family when I need to go out. I used to write long-hand notes to people quite a lot, although many of those have been replaced by email at this point.

Does email still qualify as a note?
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Linda’s prompt from Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “note.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/05/03/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-4-2024/

SoCS: sound

I have a sound in my head.

Well, maybe just in my left ear.

I was hearing a thrumming sound and I thought it was from wall vibrations from our radon removal system but that is fixed now and the sound is still there.

If it doesn’t resolve soon, I’ll contact my doctor…
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is to use a word that ends with “ound.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/04/12/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-13-2024/

SoCS: living room couch

Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is to write about a memory of the room you are in. I’m in my living room, looking at our empty couch and remembering a holiday photo when out-of-town relatives arrived to visit after Christmas. We had gathered in front of, on, and behind the couch.

There were my parents, my sisters and one brother-in-law, daughters and son-in-law, niece and nephew. My other brother-in-law isn’t in the photo because he was the photographer.

The person who was there but declined to join the photo was my mother-in-law. We wanted her to join in but she didn’t want to because it was “my side of the family” and she didn’t feel that she belonged. To me, it was just family and she belonged in the photo but, of course, we accepted her decision.

We didn’t know that she would suffer a heart attack that next March and pass away. We just passed the anniversary of her death.

We’ve since lost both my parents. Daughter E and her family are living “across the pond” in London. With my parents gone, I don’t have as many opportunities to see my sisters who came to our area to see them.

So, this morning, empty couch. Lots of memories.

the empty couch