Category: Stream of Consciousness Saturday

SoCS: still behind

If I looked back through my ten plus years of posts here, I’m sure I would find plenty that talk about my being behind on posting and lots of other things.

Even though I’ve tried to pair down on my commitments, I never seem to be caught up.

Dealing with my health over these last ten months, things have gotten way worse. I feel like I am only handling about a third of what I used to do – and, some days, not even that.

I’ve cut out a lot of tasks, assuming I would get back to them when I was better.

Now, I wonder if these cuts will be permanent…

At some point, if I re-define what I should be doing, maybe I won’t be behind anymore.

That would be novel…
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “in front/behind.” This post also is part of Just Jot It January. Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2025/01/03/the-friday-reminder-for-socs-jusjojan-2025-daily-prompt-for-jan-4th/

SoCS: my year

My year has been a mess.

(It’s probably dangerous to write about it in stream of consciousness but here goes…)

2024 has been largely spent trying to untangle personal and family health situations. In March, I developed a constellation of symptoms, including left side tinnitus and visual blurring, left side neck pain and stiffness, numbness/tingling most prominently on the left side of my head, balance problems, and brain fog and fatigue.

There has followed a bunch of tests, specialists, and physical therapy – with weeks and months of waiting – and a lot of ruling out of diagnoses, but no answers yet.

Given family history and my own research and trying to pull together all the scraps of information I get from my care team, I think I have a decent guess on diagnosis but it doesn’t really matter unless I can find a doctor willing to look at the whole situation instead of their own specialized body part.

Meanwhile, I’ve lost almost a whole year of poetry work. My creative brain isn’t functioning most days. Sometimes, I get a window first thing in the morning but often not. I’m spending most afternoons in bed because of the fatigue and because it is difficult to hold my head up without support for extended periods. If I push through and do too much on a day, I’m likely to pay for it by being largely non-functional for a day or two or three or a week afterward.

I’m also lacking in my ability to remember and keep track of things. My critical thinking skills are slowed down, too. I try to do tasks that involve a lot of thought early in the day to have the best chance of remembering and piecing things together.

It’s sad and terrifying and frustrating.

I feel like a lot of who I know myself to be is missing and I don’t know if or when it will be back.

A recent test seems to show poor blood flow in one of the arteries that supplies my brain. I’m hoping that this might give us a treatable thing to work on but I’m currently waiting for the appointment with the specialist who can interpret the test. There will probably be more tests before we get to the diagnosis/treatment part.

I don’t know if 2025 will bring my brain back or if I will be facing further deterioration.

I’ll try to let you know…
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “my year.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/12/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-28-2024/

SoCS: Well-wishes

With so many celebrations going on in this season, with Solstice, Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year’s, and I’m sure even more holidays and observances, there are many well-wishes being exchanged.

We need them.

All of them.

This year, with so much going on around the world, so much death and destruction, so many willing to scapegoat or disparage anyone who isn’t like them, we need to concentrate on wishing each other well.

Not just words splashed onto a greeting card.

Actually, wishing each other well and meaning it.

Then, we need to act like it.

Choose Love.

Choose Peace.

Choose sharing.

Choose service.

I wish all of you well as we finish 2024 and move into 2025.
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “wish.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/12/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-21-2024/

SoCS: a new wrinkle

I just finished writing up some notes on a problem I had at physical therapy yesterday.

We were trying to tape my upper back/shoulders and inadvertently caused symptoms in my neck and made my tinnitus louder.

We immediately removed the tape but I’m still having some aftereffects today.

We are still looking for a diagnosis that explains all my medical weirdness but we aren’t there yet.

Meanwhile, I appreciate everyone’s graciousness and patience in waiting for my posts to appear. It’s been an intense few weeks, as you might have guessed in that I still haven’t done a post-election entry. I’ll get there eventually.

I’m trying to extend the grace and patience people are showing me to myself. Sometimes, I even manage it…
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is to use the word “just” in the first sentence. Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/11/22/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-23-2024/

SoCS: security blanket

I don’t remember if I had a security blanket when I was little but I could sure use one now…

Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “blanket.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/11/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-16-2024/ (Admittedly, this is a very brief excursion in stream of consciousness, but I am really struggling with brain fog and fatigue lately and I figured a short post was better than no post.)

SoCS: under litany

under stress

under duress

underwater

under the weather

a short litany for how I’m feeling today

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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “under.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/11/08/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-9-2024/

SoCS: mugs

Our family has lots of mugs.

Lots.

There are Big Hug mugs that came years ago filled with FTD flowers. A pair of floral mugs that B and I received as a wedding gift 42 years ago. Mugs from my various Smith College reunions. A line of mugs related to B’s jobs. A mug with children from around the world that was given to me by the middle school principal years ago as a thank-you for being on the building planning team. Some hand-crafted ones which double as works of art. A Doctor Who mug that changes its design depending on the temperature of the liquid inside. Some mugs designed for soup instead of beverages. Sandra Boynton mugs spanning several decades.

Our most recent acquisition is a Sunday Today mug that T and I gave to B for Father’s Day. Its claim to fame is that it is very big, although, of course, it isn’t obligatory to fill it all the way. However, if you do, you need to use two tea bags.

I don’t use mugs very often myself. I don’t drink coffee or tea. I used to love cocoa but it riles up one of my medical conditions. I sometimes will drink white hot chocolate in the cooler weather or make hot milk with spices but it isn’t that frequent.

I do, though, like having reminders of our past in the cupboard, even when they make me nostalgic, like the mug from our children’s elementary school or from the elementary school where my father-in-law was principal for decades. He passed away in 2005, a few years after he retired.

Some day, we will have to downsize and cull some of our mugs.

It will be hard.
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “mug.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/10/25/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-26-2024/

SoCS: what I knew today

I knew I wouldn’t have the brainpower to write in stream of consciousness what I needed to say today about the upcoming election in the US, so I wisely wrote that post in the conventional way – and am shamelessly sharing it here.

Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is to use a word that starts with kn. Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/10/18/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-19-2024/

SoCS: my new piece!

I’ve had a new piece published!

It’s a personal essay rather than my usual poetry.

I posted about it earlier and, yes, this is a way to get more views for Generations Today, who published this story of my relationship with nature and how that lead to my climate activism.

Enjoy!
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is to build the post around a word that has “i before e.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/09/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-28-2024/

SoCS: peace

Praying for peace.

Working for peace and reconciliation.

Trying to be a peacemaker in a world with way too much violence and destruction and devaluing of life.

My part in building peace is small, but, if enough of us are dedicated to peace, we can move closer to it.

Please join in the effort.
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Linda’a prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “piece/peace.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/09/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-21-2024/