Category: family

One-Liner Wednesday: Norman Lear

It seems to me that the bulk of what we’ve done is a celebration of family. They’re all families that hang together, they all love one another, they go through the ordeal of life, but they come out on the other side of that ordeal connected. Together.

Norman Lear, who died yesterday at the age of 101, on his work which included television series All in the Family, Maude, The Jeffersons, Good Times, Sanford and Son, and One Day at a Time.

Please join us for Linda’s One-Liner Wednesdays! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/12/06/one-liner-wednesday-why-is-it/

a belated Thanksgiving

Because spouse B had contracted COVID and needed to isolate at home and daughter T and I were masking around each other in case one of us was infected, we didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving last Thursday – or, I should say, we celebrated with a nice, but not fancy, dinner of roast pork with roasted vegetables with T and I eating in the dining room and B at the kitchen table where we could talk to each other at a safe distance. Instead of the traditional pie, we had (the also-traditional) Aunt Gert’s Indian pudding for dessert.

That Thursday was Day 12 of B’s COVID experience and the first day he had tested negative. On average, Omicron infections last for eight days, so B was on the long side of the spectrum but someone has to be to balance out those who have a short infectious phase. Because he needed to have two negative tests 48 hours apart for us to be unmasked around each other, he decided that our fancier Thanksgiving dinner should be on Sunday.

While, for many years, I did the bulk of the cooking at our house, I don’t especially enjoy it. B, on the other hand, likes cooking and baking, so he chose the menu and made the meal. We enjoyed a delicious dinner of individual beef Wellington with roasted Brussels sprouts with bacon and a Braeburn and Cortland apple pie for dessert.

One of the things for which we are most thankful is that B’s bout with COVID was relatively mild, even if his infectious period did hang on longer than expected. We are also thankful that T and I remained uninfected. The pool of people I know who have never had COVID has dwindled to just a few, so I know it’s likely we will contract it someday, but, for now, we are all happy to be able to spend time together at home unmasked in the same room, whether or not there is a fancy late-Thanksgiving meal on the table.

Photo by Pro Church Media on Unsplash

One-Liner Wednesday: five years ago

Our then one-year-old granddaughter ABC enjoying Thanksgiving dinner with her great-grandfather Paco in the background; I’m missing both of them today, one due to distance, the other to death.

Please join us for Linda’s One-Liner Wednesdays! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/11/22/one-liner-wednesday-clownin-around-2/

still positive

Spouse B is still testing positive for COVID on Day 11, although the line on the test kit is fainter so maybe he is getting closer to the two negative tests 48 hours apart to be ready to be unmasked together without worry.

Not sure yet what we will do about Thanksgiving. It will just be the three of us and we were planning to do something other than the traditional turkey dinner. Maybe we will just postpone until we can all eat together in the same room. T and I have been eating in the dining room while B sequesters himself in his office at mealtimes.

We all remain grateful that his symptoms were relatively mild and short-lived but we are anxious to actually spend time together again. We are also grateful that T and I aren’t infected but we want to make sure we remain cautious. B would feel so badly if his case spread to us because we got tired of following protocol. Given the length of time that has passed, we all realize T and I dodged catching it when he was infectious before and in the early hours of the symptomatic phase.

So, at least, three more days of masking in our future.

I might need to order some more KF94 masks…

(COVID Photo by Martin Sanchez on Unsplash)

One-Liner Wednesday: household COVID update

Spouse B seems to be through most of his symptoms on Day 5, but will continue to mask and isolate at home, while daughter T and I are continuing to be symptom free and are masking at home when we are with each other and when we have to go out in public. (COVID Photo by Martin Sanchez on Unsplash)
*****
This update brought to you as part of Linda’s One-Liner Wednesdays! Join us in these brief (usually fun or inspirational) posts! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/11/15/one-liner-wednesday-worried-who-me/

out of luck

I’m sad to report that, despite our best efforts, we finally have a case of COVID-19 in the house.

My spouse B tested positive yesterday. We think he was exposed at an in-person work event on Wednesday.

We are taking precautions to isolate from each other but daughter T and I were both exposed to B before he developed symptoms when he was probably infectious, so it’s a waiting game at this point. We’ll be testing before going out in public and masking when we do to avoid infecting anyone else, in case we are pre-symptomatic.

So far, B has had fever and symptoms similar to a bad cold. Our primary care practice wants to hold off on prescribing Paxlovid but will if his condition worsens over the next couple of days.

I knew our luck would run out one day but I’m upset and worried to have COVID in the house. Because I’ve been reading about it and observing the twists and turns in its history since the beginning, I know that things sometimes go very badly, even in someone who is healthy and up-to-date on vaccines, so…

Photo by Martin Sanchez on Unsplash

SoCS: creativity

It’s important to me to create.

These days, I create poems. I create posts here at Top of JC’s Mind.

I also express myself creatively in less obvious ways. Through cooking. Through taking photos (on occasion. I’m not one to be constantly photographing.) In conversation. While singing. In correspondence. In my own thoughts as I’m puzzling through a complex situation and trying to find options.

I love my role in creating my family.

I also love being part of creating community, whether that is on a small, local level or something much broader, like the global community working on climate change. Even though I am a very, very tiny part of such a large community, I realize that my creativity and energy are adding to the effort.

An aspect of creativity that was very important to me as a young adult was writing music. That part of my creative life was lost to me in 2005 when we went through a crisis at my Catholic parish that fractured my relationship with it and my music ministry. Because I wrote music for them, my impetus to use my creativity to write music also broke. I think that rupture may be part of the reason I turned to poetry as a means of creative expression. That artistic energy needed somewhere to go.

Will I eventually return to writing music? At this point, I don’t anticipate that happening.

But creativity is often surprising and unpredictable and wondrous and glorious, so…
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “create.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/11/10/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-11-2023/

The inauguration of President Sarah

Over the weekend, my alma mater, Smith College, inaugurated Sarah Willie-LeBreton as their twelfth president in a joy-filled celebration.

For those of you who may not be familiar, Smith was established in 1871 in Northampton, Massachusetts as a women’s college that would provide an education for women equal to that which had long been available to men. It has continued that mission through the years and has in recent decades worked diligently to make a Smith education possible to promising students in underserved communities, such as those who are the first generation in their family to seek higher education. For example, it has eliminated student loans from its financial aid packages and gives grants to students in need to help them obtain essential items like computers.

I was a Smith student during the tenure of the first woman to be Smith president, Jill Kerr Conway (1975-85). We affectionately referred to her as “Jill” although we would always have addressed her as President Conway in person. It felt right to me to hear an alumna during the inauguration refer to Dr. Willie-LeBreton as “President Sarah” so that is how I am thinking of her now.

President Sarah is a sociologist, a member of the Society of Friends (Quakers), a Black woman, and an experienced educator and administrator. She exudes joy and elicits it in others. Her official inauguration, coming several months into her tenure as president, was a joyous celebration of the history and heritage of President Sarah and of Smith College and how they are entwined as a community for the present and the future. I loved the greetings and involvement of other college presidents, who were so welcoming of President Sarah in their remarks. I especially appreciated the video appearance of Ruth Simmons, who was Smith’s first Black president – until she was stolen recruited by Brown University to become the first Black president of an Ivy League institution.

President Sarah’s inaugural address was impressive. I appreciated her strong support for liberal arts education. She emphasized how our knowledge must be in conjunction with our values. She says:

We are at our peril when we teach rote memorization without collaborative problem-solving and when we encourage the fusion of identity with grades, rather than with what challenges students and brings them joy. We are at our peril when we nurture cleverness without providing the opportunities to consult our moral compass, without providing opportunities to do for and with others. The liberal arts education we provide is the perfect antidote to the division, threats to democracy, diminishing of rights and freedoms, violence, and natural catastrophes to which we wake up on a daily basis.

(The inauguration ceremony is available online here; President Sarah’s remarks begin at the 1:12 mark.)

I would have loved to attend in person, but, like many alumnae, could only watch virtually. Smith did a good job of including us, even though we couldn’t be there physically. One way that they did this was to invite us to send a photo and caption of where we find joy. The photos were assembled into an interactive mosaic. The mosaic is searchable by name, class year, or key word to find specific photos in the mosaic. I sent a photo of my granddaughters, ABC and JG, heading out on their new school year. I’m honored to have them represented as we all share and, in so doing, multiply our joy.

Congratulations, President Sarah! I look forward to years of connection, love, commitment, and joy as a continuing, if geographically distant, part of the Smith family.

(Photo is of my first and most enduring Smith friend, my roommate Mary, and me, on tour with the Smith Alumnae Chorus in Slovenia in 2019.)

reflections on ten years of blogging

As I promised in this post announcing the creation of joannecorey.com, here are some reflections on ten years of blogging here as Top of JC’s Mind – a little later than planned, but what else is new?

Ten-ish years ago, I was just starting to write poetry as a serious pursuit and writing a lot of commentary on fracking and related topics, which I sometimes cross-posted to Facebook. I also posted on Facebook articles and comments on a wide range of current issues. Several friends suggested that I start a blog and, as preserved for posterity in my first post, I fell into it on September 13, 2013.

Of course, as in so many other things I’ve chosen or been compelled to do, I didn’t really know what I was doing. [Embarking on projects for which I do not have sufficient training/background is somewhat of a life theme with me. I’m forever grateful to Smith College for grounding me in the liberal arts and schooling me in how to think critically and creatively, so that I’ve been able to branch out into different activities without making a total hash of it.] I had planned for Top of JC’s Mind to be an eclectic blog, hence the tagline “eclectic like me.”

While I have found a number of other blogs that deal with anything/everything, it’s usually recommended for blogs to have a theme, like food or music or travel. It’s also recommended to have a set publication schedule, every Monday and Thursday, for example. It’s strongly encouraged to incorporate images into all your posts.

So, I flew in the face of all that advice, not because it isn’t good advice, but because it didn’t work for me. Sticking to one topic is much too confining. My personal schedule, if you can even apply that term, has always been unpredictable and became more so as I dealt with multi-generational caregiving. My nod to regular posting has been to often, though not always, participate in the series from Linda G. Hill’s Life in progress blog, One-Liner Wednesdays and Stream of Consciousness Saturday. I’ve also participated in her initiative, Just Jot it January, in which we are challenged to post every day for the month. My One-Liner Wednesday and Stream of Consciousness Saturday posts are accessible through entries in the main menu.

I did initiate a series of my own, JC’s Confessions, loosely modeled after a recurring segment in the early years of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert in which Stephen “confessed” to things that, while not really sins, he felt badly about. Of course, Stephen is humorous and I am not. A link to JC’s Confessions is also in my main menu.

I also started a series How Does JC’s Mind Work? but it only has two entries so far. It’s inspired by the slow-dawning realization that my mind works in some atypical ways, as an INFJ who is also an HSP. I’ve only recently started to learn more about these categorizations and it’s helped to explain a lot of things that were puzzling to me. For example, studies have shown that brains like mine are wired differently and process thoughts, emotions, stimuli, etc. differently than the majority of people. I think we all tend to default to the position that others’ brains and minds operate the same way ours does; I know that I tended to do so. I do find myself sometimes explaining to people what I’m thinking or feeling because I’m often misinterpreted and then get in trouble with people based on their perceptions rather than my reality. This series is also a place for me to talk about personal history and influences that shaped who I am today. And, yes, I really should get back to this series, at some point..

One of the things that I intended to do was to share poetry, which I do, although seldom with poems that aren’t already published elsewhere. What I didn’t realize when I started Top of JC’s Mind is that, for many journals and publishers, even a personal blog post with a handful of views is disqualifying. I usually only post original work that I don’t foresee being able to publish in a journal, such as current event poems that have been rejected by the couple of venues I know that publish such things or ekphrastic poems that I aren’t chosen in response to The Ekphrastic Review‘s Writing Challenge Series.

What I didn’t foresee was how much I would post about the process of writing poetry and learning about writing poetry. I didn’t know that I would be part of a workshop-in-residence at the Massachusetts Museum of Contemporary Art in North Adams with the Boiler House Poets Collective. Or that I would be publishing in anthologies with the Binghamton Poetry Project. I certainly had no clue that I would eventually publish my first chapbook, Hearts.

I also didn’t realize how much I would write about my family. For their privacy, I chose to refer to them by initials or nicknames, so only people who know us in real life can easily find them. Ten years ago, I didn’t know the paths that the final years of my parents and mother-in-law would take or that I would have two granddaughters who would be living across an ocean from me.

I certainly didn’t know that I would post extensively about a pandemic. I’m continuing to add an occasional COVID-19 post. (I’m getting my updated vaccine on Monday, so another post will be coming.) One of the local historical societies decided to keep an archive of how the pandemic affected daily life in our area and I’m proud that they chose to include print-outs of my COVID-19 posts in that collection. Maybe, a hundred years from now, someone will stumble across them while doing research…

I do weigh in on current events, which are often disconcerting. I’ve written about gun violence and hatefulness in US society because of their sad, overwhelming prevalence. I’ve written quite a lot about government and the bewildering lack of attention to the Constitutional call to “promote the general welfare.” I mourn over the continuation of racism, sexism, bigotry, intolerance, and hatefulness that are so much in evidence and seem to be worsening rather than lessening. I try to show my values of love, respect, inclusion, and care for others and the world. I strive to express my authentic self here at Top of JC’s Mind and take care to be factually correct.

I welcome comments to my posts and do my best to respond. I will engage in respectful debate with those who disagree with me. It doesn’t happen often but I have had instances where I’ve had to delete or edit a comment. This is my platform and I will not have it used to spread misinformation or hatefulness. (I also don’t allow coarse language. My inability to swear or engage in vulgarity is a bit of a running joke among my poetry circles. Somewhere in the back of my head is a voice from my childhood saying, “What! Were you raised in a barn?”)

One of the things that bloggers are supposed to do is amass readers and followers. It’s suggested that a blogger spends a third of their time reading others’ blogs, a third writing posts, and a third writing comments on others’ blogs and responding on their own. That way, you connect with others in the blogging community and get noticed by more bloggers and readers. I really did try to do that early on but, as demands on my personal time grew, I found I only had time to write posts and tend to their comments, with occasional frenzied bouts of reading. Consequently, I don’t have tons of views and followers.

Of course, bloggers are also supposed to track stats. WordPress has a handy page to do this – and I don’t usually – but I will put my all-time stats in this post for the sake of posterity. Ten years of Top of JC’s Mind has ammased:
1,839 posts
7,107 comments
62,805 visits
34, 983 unique visitors
1,950 subscribers/followers

The subscriber/follower number is somewhat inflated. It includes people who have followed me through WordPress, liked my Top of JC’s Mind Facebook page, signed up to receive posts by email, and followed me through Twitter (now X and no longer available for automatic sharing through WordPress.) This means that some individuals are counted more than once. A few that I know of are now deceased. Many of the followers through WordPress are folks who found their way to one of my posts, hit follow, and never visited again. I do have a small core of readers who visit frequently and comment often, which I appreciate so much. You know who you are! I can’t really tell you how many readers I have for a typical post because I can only track site visits; I have no way of knowing how many people read posts sent via email.

I do, though, want to thank everyone who has ever visited Top of JC’s Mind, liked a post, commented, followed, or subscribed. While the process of writing helps to clarify my thoughts, writing for others challenges me to express those thoughts in a cogent way. I appreciate the opportunity to discuss different topics and share thoughts, experiences, and feelings with whoever happens to drop into my tiny sliver of the blogosphere.

I try to keep growing as a blogger. I’m being forced to trying to improve my use of images in order to crosspost to Instagram, which requires an image. (But, seriously, Instagram! Why do you insist on .jpgs only? Why not allow .png and .webp? And why do you have this thing with squares?) Instagram is the reason that so many of my posts lately, including this one, have my photo at the top. I’m trying to decide if I should get a new headshot taken of my post-cataract surgery, post-Invisalign self but I’ve used this photo that spouse B took of me to accompany this poem for so long that I’m loathe to replace it.

So, will I blog here for another ten years? I can’t guarantee, but I do have hope. I hope at least a few of you will stay tuned and journey with me.

Peace,
Joanne Corey of Top of JC’s Mind

Two years without Paco

I work up in the very early morning darkness today thinking about my father, known here and in real life for the last 33-ish years of his life as Paco, the name bestowed on him by my firstborn and his first grandchild E as she was learning to talk.

I suppose this is not surprising because this is the second anniversary of his death. You can read a tribute that I wrote to him a few weeks after his passing here.

What is unfortunate is that in the early morning darkness in which I am now writing this post I am remembering so much of his final years, when I was struggling to get proper support and medical care for him, exacerbated by the pandemic. Even though I was living locally, there were long stretches in which I could not visit in person at all or only for short amounts of time. Phone and video calls were often frustrating, as you can tell from this poem, which was first published in Rat’s Ass Review.

Video Chat with our 95-year-old Father

You said it was scary
today
that we were there

in your bedroom
your three daughters
in pulsating squares

on a screen
You remembered where
home

is for each of us
but not where
it is for you

confused that you
could see us
hear us

but we were not
there
with you

We talked about the snowy
winter, so like our New England
childhoods, when you would

wrangle your orange
snowblower to clear
our way out

We asked if the cut
and bruise on your hand
had finally healed

if you had finished
all the Valentine
goodies we’d sent

Distracted
by a sound
from the living room

you set the tablet
aside
left us

staring at the ceiling

What was most difficult was that, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t secure correct diagnoses or treatments for Paco, illustrated by the fact that his death certificate states that he died from end-stage heart failure, but he was only diagnosed with heart failure about ten days before he died. I had been trying for months to tell the staff at his assisted living and then skilled nursing units of his continuing care community that he was having unexplained symptoms and had accompanied him to outside doctors and emergency room visits, when the pandemic protocols allowed me to stay with him, but it was never enough to get to the bottom of his health difficulties.

I thought I had worked my way out of most of the trauma of that but, in the early morning darkness of this anniversary day, apparently there is still some of that pain left. It’s not that I think I could have further prolonged his 96 years – something that would not have served any of us – but that his final months would have been so much easier for him if he could have received timely, proper diagnosis and medications.

One of the comforts of Paco’s death was the thought of his reuniting with my mom, known here as Nana, who died in May, 2019, also of heart failure and, gratefully, before the pandemic struck. I drafted this poem, which was first published by Wilderness House Literary Review, only a couple of weeks after Paco’s death. 

We probably should have taken off					

his wedding ring before
he died		    before
his hands cooled	      started
to claw
but we couldn’t		       remove
that symbol
			of Elinor
	of two years
		   three months
			twenty-three days
						left
without		her
after
	sixty-five years
		      one month
			   three days
married to her
			the ring
				of her
even    in    days    of    delirium
	    haze			confusion

his ring		not
	sixty-seven years	  old
		but	   twenty
her gift 	         a remedy
	 for missing		some		thing
		of his
  to cling to 		during his three weeks
			       in the hospital
his chest cracked			 open
     		widow-maker averted
				somehow

She inscribed 		his ring	
      ALL MY LOVE  “ME”
     the way she signed 	cards to him
birthday	anniversary	  Christmas
	St. Patrick’s Day
		valentines
the words against his left
	ring finger		believed
to lead most directly to the heart
	which finally failed
		after ninety-six years
			five months
				nineteen days
as hers had
	after eighty-seven years
		     six days

While I go to the sink
to fetch soap 		to ease
the ring off 	his finger
my sister works
it over	 his reluctant 	knuckle

I carry it 	home 
to my daughter
Elinor’s and Leo’s rings
	   unite
on their granddaughter’s finger

[For those of you who might be new to Top of JC’s Mind, I will note that it is really unusual for me to fold poems into posts like this, but somehow, in the early morning darkness, it seemed appropriate.]

I’ll close this post by explaining the significance of the four-generations photo, taken a few weeks before Paco’s death, that begins this post. It shows Paco, me, eldest grandchild E who named Paco, and great-granddaughters, then 4-year-old ABC and just turned 1-year-old JG. This was the first and only meeting of Paco and JG, who had been born in London, UK, in the early months of the pandemic. ABC lived here in the States with us for her first two years and remembered Paco very well. The restrictions on international travel had kept E and her family from visiting but they were able to get special permission to travel together to come visit Paco one last time.

Paco’s health declined quickly after that visit and I’m so grateful that we all had that brief, sweet time together.

Remembering that final farewell through a few tears in the still-before-dawn darkness of this anniversary morning.