The Colbert Questionert

My family and I have been recording and watching Stephen Colbert for years, beginning with his years as a correspondent on The Daily Show, followed by his entire run on The Colbert Report and his current gig as host of The Late Show, which is having its final shows this week. While CBS said that it was for financial reasons, the perception is that it was really the result of Stephen’s jokes about Trump, especially as CBS’s parent company was negotiating a sale that needed administration approval.

My occasional blog series, JC’s Confessions, was inspired by Stephen’s Midnight Confessions from his early years at The Late Show, which was followed by a book.

Another long-running feature was Stephen asking his famous guests to answer the Colbert Questionert, which was supposed to reveal their inner selves and be “fully known.” In homage to Stephen and his talented writing team, I, a distinctly non-famous person, will share and answer the Colbert Questionert.

1. What’s the best sandwich?
Grilled cheese, made with Cabot cheddar cheese (which is white, not the bizarre orange that some cheddars are) on homemade white bread
2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out?
Deteriorating sheet music that I inherited from a friend of my family when I was a child
3. What is the scariest animal?
A violent person with a gun
4. Apples or oranges?
Apples, because, as Stephen often notes, you can’t put peanut butter on an orange. Also, for me and my delicate constitution, oranges are too acidic.
5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
Lots of someones, as I often ask poets to sign their books for me
6. What do you think happens when we die?
I think that our soul, which can also be understood as our consciousness, continues to exist as energy. This allows us to reunite with loved ones who have passed away and to live eternally within Divine Love, which is my interpretation of heaven.
7. Favorite action movie? The Incredibles, because it gives action without blood and gore.
8. Favorite smell?
fresh-baked bread
9. Least favorite smell?
ammonia
10. Window or aisle?
I like to sit in a window seat because I loved studying geology in college. I like to see the landforms and the clouds.
11. What is your earliest memory? I remember playing outdoors with my older sister and neighbors at the house we lived in when I was three.
12. Cats or dogs?
Dogs, although we only have people in our household due to allergies (and the fact that there is enough to do just taking care of each other)
13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?
“Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen” from Mahler’s Rückert Lieder with mezzo-soprano Janet Baker.
14. What number am I thinking of?
Of course, I can’t answer this in Stephen’s absence, but my choice would, of course, be wrong.
15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words.
Family – Love – Creativity – Service – Thinking

I don’t know if anyone will think that my answers make me “fully known” or not, but I do love that phrase because it appears in one of my favorite Bible passages, 1 Corinithians 13. Like Stephen, I am a Catholic and I wonder if that passage was in his mind when they decided to use that term in the Colbert Questionert. I find it a comforting concept because so many problems in life seem to stem from misunderstanding among individuals and groups.

I know that Stephen is not retiring so we will hear more from him in whatever creative vehicles he chooses. I will miss, though, hearing from him on a regular basis.

Thank you, Stephen, for all the years of laughter and insight. I hope you get a chance to rest and rejuvenate and spend more time with family after all your hard work.

And, maybe, you should answer your own questionnaire, so you, too, are “fully known.”

Postscript: On the next-to-last episode, Stephen did take the Colbert Questionert himself, asked by a parade of celebrities. I came back to edit this post to reflect the questions asked that night, but I wanted to still include these questions from earlier iterations.
A. Exercise: worth it?
Personally, no, except for physical therapy. One of the things that I’ve learned about my brain and body is that I don’t really get endorphin rush from exercise. I just get even more tired and, if I push too hard, will wind up needing a day or more of minimal activity or even bedrest to recover. My version of dealing with the chronic fatigue that can come with hEDS.
B. Flat or sparkling?
Flat, because my system doesn’t do well with bubbles.
C. Most used app on your phone?
Text. I use my phone as little as possible.