Category: musings

Sixth Blogiversary!

(I enjoy the way spellcheck corrects my spelling of blogiversary, as though it were a real word.)

WordPress helpfully reminded me that I started Top of JC’s Mind six years ago today.

Six years ago feels like a different world, in ways both small- and large-scale.

Six years ago, B and I both still had our moms.

L and daughter E were in Hawai’i, still in their first year of marriage, never dreaming that the first two years of their daughter’s life would be spent at our home in upstate New York while L worked in London toward getting a spousal visa for E. The visa should be arriving soon. B and I will have an eerily quiet home when E and ABC leave at whatever point in the coming weeks…

During the last six years, daughter T has completed a master’s in conservation biology of plants – and has faced an administration that has ignored her field of study at a time when it is most needed.

Six years ago, Barack Obama was president of the United States. Even though the Republicans in Congress blocked a lot of things that would have been helpful for the country, we, at least, had a sense of pride in our nation on the world stage and an absence of scandal. With Donald Trump as president, there is a general sense of fear and apprehension and the United States has lost its leadership position; there seem to be multiple scandals every week.

Six years ago, we were fighting in New York for a ban on shale fracking. Amazingly enough, New York instituted a regulatory ban, which is still holding. Given that New York has just recently enacted the Climate Leadership and Community Protection Act, it would fly in the face of our climate goals to begin fracking, even under a future governor.

Meanwhile, the global climate situation is becoming more and more dire. While I was encouraged by the Paris climate accord, the time since has been difficult, with DT ready to pull the US out of the accord in November, 2020. Many states, cities, companies, and individuals have stepped up to continue working toward net zero carbon goals. Our family is doing its part by changing to LED lighting, increasing our insulation, buying panels in a community solar installation, and driving a fully electric Chevy Bolt and a plug-in hybrid Chrysler Pacifica.

Some things have stayed constant over these six years, though. I am grateful for my loving family and safe home, for a faith that remains despite challenges, for music and poetry, and for the opportunity to share my thoughts here.

My hope is that I will be able to continue writing – and that, at least, a few of you will continue to visit me here at Top of JC’s Mind.

JC Confessions #6

On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert does a recurring skit, now a best-selling book, called Midnight Confessions, in which he “confesses” to his audience with the disclaimer that he isn’t sure these things are really sins but that he does “feel bad about them.” While Stephen and his writers are famously funny, I am not, so my JC’s Confessions will be somewhat more serious reflections, but they will be things that I feel bad about. Stephen’s audience always forgives him at the end of the segment; I’m not expecting that – and these aren’t really sins – but comments are always welcome.
~ JC

I am mostly oblivious to pop culture. If I read the Grammy nominations, chances are I don’t know any of the songs and haven’t heard of the majority of the artists. I haven’t ever seen Titanic or Avatar or Jurassic movies or the vast majority of superhero movies. I don’t stream and binge watch series from Hulu, Amazon Prime, etc. and I don’t have premium television packages, which means that I also haven’t seen many of the shows nominated for Emmys, although I think it is good that I haven’t seen Game of Thrones or The Handmaid’s Tale because I would probably have nightmares. I don’t watch collegiate or professional sports, except an occasional baseball game. I don’t vacation at theme parks.

I am involved with a few popular things, the most notable being the Harry Potter books and movies. For the most part, though, if you want to discuss a pop culture topic with me, you’ll likely have to explain it to me first.

Some people might say that I am elitist and they are entitled to that opinion. I would like to say in my defense that I grew up in a tiny town in New England, have never lived in a large city, and have never had a high-powered career. Even though I am now a poet, I am a community-educated one and most people find my poetry accessible rather than esoteric. But, the fact remains that I am a poet, so maybe I am guilty as charged…

a royal rescue?

As many of you know, my daughter E and granddaughter ABC will soon be relocating from our home in the US to the UK, when E’s spousal visa comes through. Unfortunately, the UK government, like the US, is mired in dysfunction.

It is difficult to project what will be happening regarding Brexit, the prime minister, Parliament, and the EU. Even seasoned political analysts can’t guess what will happen. There are fears of shortages of fresh foods and medications if/when the UK leaves the EU. With so much uncertainty, this is not an optimal time for E and ABC to move, but there is only a small travel window once the visa arrives.

Lately, I have been fantasizing that the queen will come to the rescue! Britain’s monarch has little power, but, can still dissolve Parliament and call for new elections. She can also accept or reject the choice of prime minister. The prime minister is supposed to “command the confidence of the House of Commons.” [source:  https://www.royal.uk/queen-and-government] Given that PM Johnson has been pretty spectacular in his inability to get bills he favors passed, and that a number of members of his party have left, giving him less than majority support, one could reasonably argue that he does not command confidence.

The monarch is not supposed to be political but she has a duty to “encourage and warn” the government ministers. She is supposed to be a source of national unity. I realize it would be unprecedented, but I think she should point out that leaving the EU will likely cause Scotland, and perhaps Northern Ireland, to leave the United Kingdom. She could also point out that in a constitutional monarchy, issues are decided by her government, not by popular vote. The vote itself may not even represent the true will of the people, given that it was subject to Russian influence and much fear-mongering and lying from the domestic proponents of leaving the European Union. If she made these remarks publicly, perhaps in an address to Parliament, it would cause a stir, but it seems that she would be protecting her subjects and seeking to keep the United Kingdom intact.

Of course, none of this is likely to happen. I am dreaming, though, of a stable place for my daughter and her family to live and thrive.

A place less contentious and divided than the United States would be nice.

 

SoCS: triple play

Yesterday, ABC helped me make bread in our bread machine. It was a way to keep her occupied while her mom was resting. First, we had to weigh the flour using our kitchen scale. Then, she helped me put in the salt, sugar, and butter. Next, I measured the milk. I was using Fairlife milk, which is lactose free and higher in protein. Unlike other kinds of lactose free milk, Fairlife is lactose free due to being ultra-filtered. I think it tastes better than dairy products that are done with lactase. I used to use buttermilk powder, too, but I think it contains whey and other powdered milk components. At any rate, it was enough lactose to bother some of my family members, so I stopped using it. Finally, I put the pan in the machine and the yeast in the container on top. ABC couldn’t help with that part, but she did press the button to start the machine after I programmed it. Four hours later, we had a loaf of delicious bread and the house smelled wonderful.
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “weigh/way/whey.” I get bonus points for using all three – not that anyone is keeping score. My stream of consciousness today also seems to be anti-paragraph. Please join in the fun! You can find out more here:  https://lindaghill.com/2019/09/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-7-19/

IC Awareness Month

September is IC Awareness Month, so, as someone living with IC, I am doing my part to spread awareness.

IC stands for interstitial cystitis, which is also known as bladder pain syndrome or hypersensitive bladder syndrome. Symptoms, for most, include pelvic pain or pressure and increased urinary frequency/urgency. It affects millions of people in the US and millions more around the world, although estimates of prevalence differ. Part of the reason that statistics are hard to come by is that many people see multiple doctors for years before they are correctly diagnosed. This delay is further exacerbated by the fact that IC is more common among women. As with other ailments among women, some patients have been told their symptoms are “all in the their heads.”  Others have been misdiagnosed with reproductive system problems. Among men with IC, the misdiagnosis is usually chronic prostatitis.

Another problem with getting a correct diagnosis is that there is no definitive test for IC. One subtype of IC, accounting for about 10% of cases, causes lesions in the bladder, which can be seen during cystoscopy, but the other types do not have that straightforward a presentation. Diagnosis is also complicated by the fact that no one knows what causes IC. It behaves somewhat like an autoimmune disorder and also seems to be related to the nervous system. Research is ongoing. Many patients with IC also have periods where the symptoms flare up and other times when they are lessened or absent. This can also be a factor if you have a long wait to see a specialist; your symptoms may have disappeared by the time of your appointment.

I have one of the subtypes of IC in which its symptoms occur in conjunction with other pain syndromes, such as irritable bowel syndrome, endometriosis, and vulvodynia. This can complicate treatment because there are so many different factors involved. Some people with IC, like me, have success with medications. Once symptoms have calmed down, the medication regimen may be ended and other methods, such as dietary changes and stress reduction, may be able to avert flares or, at least, keep them manageable.

One of the things that I need to avoid is acidic foods. I do have a dietary supplement that helps with eating acidic foods, including fruits, although I still avoid citrus. When I make tomato sauce, I put in a bit of baking soda to counteract the acidity. Bonus: it’s fun to watch the sauce foam and bubble! It can be difficult to find things to drink beyond water and milk. I never was a coffee and tea drinker, so I didn’t have to worry about giving those up. I can’t have anything carbonated, so no sodas or sparkling water. (Some people with IC can drink certain varieties of coffee, tea, and soda; sometimes, trial and error is needed to figure out what works for an individual.) My new splurge drink is Hint, fruit-flavored water without added sweeteners or calories. It’s fun to have another option.

The most difficult thing for me to avoid is chocolate. I can have white chocolate, although I need to shop carefully as some of it is just bad. It is the cocoa component that is the culprit with IC, causing a histamine reaction in the bladder. I admit that I miss milk and dark chocolate, and, especially, hot cocoa, which I used to make with cinnamon and ginger. Every once in a while, I will eat a bit of chocolate. I’ve found if I eat just a little, I can manage the flare that will follow, but usually I am good and avoid it completely.

If you think you may have IC, bring it up with your doctor. My doctor recommended that I see a urogynecologist, who was able to diagnose and treat me properly. There are treatment options out there, which differ depending on the subtype of IC you have. Some types are able to be cured with the right therapy, while most others can learn to treat and manage their symptoms.

Don’t let anyone tell you that your symptoms are all in your head! Don’t try to self-treat because of embarrassment or other factors. You can find more info about IC from the Interstitial Cystitis Network, which is one of the sponsors of IC Awareness Month, or from reputable medical websites.  The stress of feeling alone with your illness can make it even worse, so reach out.

One final thought:  Please keep in mind that IC and many other illnesses are invisible. This does not mean that they aren’t causing pain or other symptoms. Just because someone “looks fine,” doesn’t mean they are fine. If someone you know has or may have an invisible illness, treat them with kindness and understanding. Help them find the medical help they need. Support them as they deal with their illness. It will make a difference in their lives.

 

One-Liner Wednesday: what the world needs

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it, because what the world needs is people who have come alive. —Howard Thurman
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Join us for Linda’s One-Liner Wednesday! Find out how here:  https://lindaghill.com/2019/09/04/one-liner-wednesday-like-one-of-your-french-girls/

Badge by Laura @ riddlefromthemiddle.com

a dream

I don’t often remember dreams, but, last night, I dreamt that I went to my poetry residency at MASS MoCA next month without my laptop or hard copies of either of the manuscripts I have in process.

I was thinking of buying a cheap laptop so that I could access my poems from my Google Docs.

So, there’s that…

Mourning

As anyone who has dealt with it will tell you, mourning is a process.

Likely, a lifelong process that has different impacts over time.

As this TED talk explains, grief is not something you move on from, but something that you move forward with.

It’s been a bit over three months since my mom’s death. Much of that time has been busy, with a lot of things that needed my attention, although I have often felt that my brain was full of holes and I wasn’t thinking clearly.

I kept hoping that I could clear out some mental space and feel that I could organize my thoughts better – and maybe even feel a bit creative, which is important as I have some poetry commitments coming up.

Instead, I’m just feeling overwhelmed and sad. I don’t feel like thinking or deciding things. I can make myself do important things, but it is difficult to feel I am doing them well.

I’ve been talking with some wise friends who have helped me to realize that where I am now is not unusual.

Or permanent.

That mourning is personal and unpredictable and meanders through the terrain of life as it will with no apparent timeframe.

I think I have cried more in the past week than any week since Mom died. I know that is okay, even though it seems sort of backwards.

I am blessed with family and friends to help me while I am in this frame of mind and am trying to muster the energy to ask for help when I need it, although even that can be difficult when organized thought feels like so much work.

But I’m okay. Really. Please don’t worry about me.

It’s just grief.

SoCS: naptime

At the moment, B is napping on the couch. I wish I were asleep, too. Maybe I should stop now and go take a nap…

[PS – So instead of napping, I wound up writing this (sad and vulnerable) post.]
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “couch.” Join us! I’m sure you will have more to say than I do this week. Find out more here:  https://lindaghill.com/2019/08/30/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-31-19/

Fire in the Amazon

Large swaths of the Amazon rainforest are on fire. Media tends to call these wildfires, but the vast majority of them are intentionally set. I think of wildfires as being caused by lightning strike or an accidental spark. When fires are set intentionally, they should be called arson.

While the current scale of the fires is new, the problem is not. For years, farmers and ranchers have burned parts of the Amazon rainforest to clear land for themselves. They have been opposed by indigenous people and their allies, some of whom have been killed trying to defend the forest.

The fires are devastating for the plants, animals, and people who live there, but the scale of the destruction now threatens the very mechanism that makes the rainforest possible. The vegetation, especially the large, tall trees, transpire large quantities of water, which form clouds and help to keep the rainforest green. If too much land is burned, the amount of rainfall will decrease so much that it would be impossible to sustain a rainforest ecosystem.

Plants also take in carbon dioxide and release oxygen. It is estimated that 20% of the world’s atmospheric oxygen is produced in the Amazon. As more and more of the rainforest is destroyed, the level of oxygen in the air that all people and animals need to breathe could diminish, while the level of carbon dioxide, already at record highs, could become even higher, accelerating global warming and increasing drought, which diminishes plant growth and causes a downward spiral.

The government of Brazil is making only half-hearted measures to control the fires and has refused the assistance of other nations. President Bolsonaro is a climate change denier, who sees this issue as being solely about the economic development of Brazil. His short-sighted actions may cause world-wide suffering for decades.

It highlights to me how interconnected we are as a planet. At this point in human history, we can’t afford countries being isolationist and concerned only with making their rich citizens even richer.

Money can’t buy oxygen or make more rainfall or change the temperature.