Tag: time

2024/5

In late December/early January, many people look back over the year, reflect on its highs and lows, or create some kind of tally.

Sometimes, tallies are created for us, such as Words With Friends, which I have played for 13 years, helpfully telling me I made 8,875 moves in 2024. In my early years of WordPress blogging, they would send us each an annual wrap-up, which I enjoyed. Theoretically, I could put some stats together myself, but I don’t have the wherewithal to manage it.

Some of my poet/writer friends would tally their publications – and rejections – for the year. Given how 2024 went for me, the lists of both would be short, as would the list of completed poems, although I am very grateful that I managed to attend the Boiler House Poets Collective week-long residency at The Studios at MASS MoCA.

My 2024 was mostly taken up with personal and family health issues and my spouse B preparing for his retirement from IBM, which has now happened.

We begin 2025 in uncertainty. With daughter T and I still struggling to find full diagnoses and treatment, what we had imagined B’s retirement to look like is not going to be enacted, at least, not right away.

None of this is helped by the huge uncertainty about what will unfold when DT becomes US president again on Jan.20.

My father used to say “One day at a time” a lot. I am, though, by nature a planner, so I had trouble with the concept.

Now, sometimes, I feel that things are moment-to-moment or that time is somehow suspended or irrelevant.

So, yeah, 2025.

Guess I’ll strive for one day at a time…
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Join us for Linda’s Just Jot It January! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2025/01/07/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-7th-2025/

SoCS: still behind

If I looked back through my ten plus years of posts here, I’m sure I would find plenty that talk about my being behind on posting and lots of other things.

Even though I’ve tried to pair down on my commitments, I never seem to be caught up.

Dealing with my health over these last ten months, things have gotten way worse. I feel like I am only handling about a third of what I used to do – and, some days, not even that.

I’ve cut out a lot of tasks, assuming I would get back to them when I was better.

Now, I wonder if these cuts will be permanent…

At some point, if I re-define what I should be doing, maybe I won’t be behind anymore.

That would be novel…
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “in front/behind.” This post also is part of Just Jot It January. Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2025/01/03/the-friday-reminder-for-socs-jusjojan-2025-daily-prompt-for-jan-4th/

Another run at Just Jot It January

So, despite all odds, I’m making another run at posting every day in January, courtesy of Linda’s Just Jot It January or #JusJoJan.

This is the 11th year Linda has hosted this initiative. I participated for the first time in 2015. While it’s not required to post every day, I usually manage it.

I admit that I try to stash away a few posts to throw in when I don’t have time and/or brain on a given day.

I have an appointment with a vascular neurologist later today, which may or may not help with the brain part of the equation.

Linda does offer prompts for the day on her blog, which many people find useful. I tend to do my own thing, other than her continuing One-Liner Wednesday and Stream of Consciousness Saturday series.

Please join us, once, twice, or up to 31 times!
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To join Just Jot It January, visit here: https://lindaghill.com/2025/01/02/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-2nd-2025/

SoCS: to be continued

I briefly considered trying to stream-of-consciousness style sum up the last couple of weeks but thought better of it.

When I do manage to get that post together I’ll come back here to add the link.

[Update here.]
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week was sum, either alone or as part of a longer word. Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/06/14/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-15-2024/

JC’s Confessions #29

In the first few seasons of The Late Show, Stephen Colbert did a recurring skit, then a best-selling book, called Midnight Confessions, in which he “confesses” to his audience with the disclaimer that he isn’t sure these things are really sins but that he does “feel bad about them.” While Stephen and his writers are famously funny, I am not, so my JC’s Confessions will be somewhat more serious reflections, but they will be things that I feel bad about. Stephen’s audience always forgives him at the end of the segment; I’m not expecting that – and these aren’t really sins – but comments are always welcome.

It’s been a hard few months.

More than a few?

Hard to keep track…

When I wrote this post at the end of October, I was re-organizing to structure my time for more poetry and less volunteering, but B’s COVID diagnosis in November, which turned into two weeks of him isolating in part of the house, leaving me responsible for keeping the household going, followed by daughter T’s shoulder surgery/aftermath in December left me with a lot to do, not a lot of holiday spirit, and very little creative brain availability. Thrown on top of this was the unexpected return of the threat of shale gas development, which we thought had ended with the New York State high-volume hydrofracking ban nine years ago, this time in the guise of an unproven scheme to use supercritical carbon dioxide to extract methane from shale and sequester carbon. This necessitated the reactivation of the coalition that won the fracking ban back then and hours of conference calls, research, and emails. Oh, and what I thought would be one or two local interviews for my alma mater turned into a series of zoom interviews across the region, taking a lot more time and energy than I had expected when I said yes to the opportunity. (There’s also some other personal and family health stuff going on, which I won’t go into here.)

I’ve been struggling with prioritizing and keeping my attention where it belongs to finish tasks. My best intentions to simplify have met with the reality tsunami and washed out to sea.

I am, though, not suffering as much as I was last January when I wrote JC’s Confessions #26. Then, I realized I was still grieving. I am in a different place in dealing with losses now.

We are spending a couple of weeks in February visiting our family in London, UK. This will get me away from most meetings. If I’m lucky, I’ll get a little bit of poetry time in the early mornings or late evenings to continue work on revision of my full-length manuscript. I’m attempting to line edit the whole thing and, perhaps, re-order it to prepare for work with a professional editor in April. It’s felt like fits and starts so far but I have worked on about 20% of the poems to this point.

I have followed through on my commitment to post daily for Just Jot It January but will be pulling back the post pace for February and trying to devote that time to poetry.

So, yes, organizing my time and following through on plans is still a work in progress.

And, come next January, there is a possibility that some version of this Confession will recur.

Or, maybe, I’ll finally stop feeling badly about having to re-vamp, re-adjust, postpone, and re-jigger my life so often.

I can hope.
*****
Join us for Linda’s Just Jot It January! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/01/28/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-28th-2024/

SoCS: greetings

To me, the holiday season is not the same without sending cards and/or letters to people.

My ideal for many years was to send cards with handwritten notes to everyone on my list, with some people getting customized printed letters.

I’ve modified from that ideal, though, perhaps permanently, as life has gotten more stressful or busy or overwhelming in various ways.

For example, there have been years that I wrote to friends in November rather than December because I couldn’t bear to send a holiday letter that announced the death of a parent. There have been times when other family members have sent out cards to our extended family so I could concentrate on sending cards to my friends.

I send out greetings to people from many decades of my life, going back to high school days, continuing through college, and on through my decades living here. I send cards to people I haven’t seen for forty years. I send cards to people who I haven’t heard from for years and years. (That should have been “whom” but stream of consciousness rules don’t allow for edits!)

Perhaps, there are people who get my greetings and think “Why?” after all this time do I still send out my well wishes and stories of what I and my family are doing these days.

It’s important to me to let you know that I’m thinking about you and wishing you well and honoring the place you had in my life.

Even if you never read what I’ve written or even open the envelope.

I’ll never know.

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday today is “to me.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/12/08/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-9-2023/

SoCS: “yes, and” and “no”

When you are doing improvisation exercises in theater, there is an understanding that you will do “yes, and” to build on whatever came before you. It’s the way that you keep the improvisation going.

I have found, though, that saying “yes, and” on a regular basis in life quickly leads to being overwhelmed.

Sometimes, you need to say “no” – no matter how worthy the cause. Or, at least, “not right now.”

I managed to illustrate this lesson over these last few months. I had planned to spend them concentrating on poetry, learning to market my first chapbook, Hearts, and preparing for the Boiler House Poets Collective residency in late September-early October.

What happened was that I wound up heavily involved with the launch of the Third Act Upstate New York working group and needed to devote extra time to my activities with the Madrigal Choir of Binghamton, where I sing and also sit on the Board.

I’m not sorry that I did these things; they were valuable and I gained new skills and friendships. They were also all expressions of things that are close to my heart and ways to serve others. It was just that saying “yes, and” a bit too much led to a lot of stress and was unsustainable for more than a few months. It also, unfortunately, meant that something had to give, which turned out being my efforts at book marketing, which was the only thing I could give up without having to sacrifice a group goal.

Realizing all of this, I was able to say “no, at least for now” to being on the Communications Committee for Third Act Upstate NY after our successful launch. The Boiler House Poets Collective residency was a great experience, with the BHPC members coming together to divvy up the work to prepare for next year that had largely fallen to me this year. (I really do need to get to a wrap-up post for the BHPC residency. Coming soon…) Madrigal Choir made it through our first concert of the season with flying colors. The next few weeks will be busy as we prepare and present our annual Lessons & Carols concerts the first weekend in December; there will also be Board work ongoing.

Still, things will be calmer and more manageable than the last few months have been.

I’m excited – and a bit nervous – about an upcoming manuscript consultation for my full-length collection, which I’m hoping will clarify where to seek publication for it. I have a bit more editing to do in advance of that. I’m getting some writing done with the fall season of Binghamton Poetry Project up now and have some more editing and possible new work following up from the BHPC residency.

Oh, and Top of JC’s Mind! Although I’m perpetually behind where I would like to be, I was able to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the blog in September, including the launch of joannecorey.com as an author site with access to TJCM as a feature. No worries if you continue to visit here at topofjcsmind.wordpress.com. That is the permanent address of the blog for all time – or while we still use this technology.

There are some other projects waiting in the wings and, of course, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s are coming and I have done literally no planning for them so far.

I don’t know if I can find the impetus to go back to trying to learn book marketing or not. I may have used up my energy for learning new things and being outside my comfort zone for the year.

Maybe if I manage a few months of “no, not now” instead of “yes, and” I’ll be able to recharge…
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week was “no” used alone or as part of another word. Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/10/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-28-2023/

SoCS: mostly overwhelmed

I’ve spent this summer feeling overwhelmed.

Well, mostly.

I’ve had some rare moments where I feel that things are on the right track so that they will get completed successfully on schedule – and then the next set of complications arises and I’m back to feeling overwhelmed.

I had planned for this summer to be mostly about poetry – learning more about marketing to get Hearts properly launched, working on getting poem and manuscript submissions in, and generating new work and revising after workshopping. Oh, and making preparations for the upcoming Boiler House Poets Collective residency at The Studios at MASS MoCA in North Adams that will begin late this month.

There are a lot of sayings about what happens when you make plans and then life happens and they fall apart. You can insert your favorite here…

I sit on a number of boards or committees as a volunteer, all worthy causes, centered around the environment, social justice, and the arts. They usually only take up a couple of hours a month each, but this summer, all of them seemed to simultaneously encounter a serious obstacle or be presented with an important opportunity that demanded a lot more meetings and a lot of prep work between meetings.

This all plays into my natural tendency to analyse and think deeply and brainstorm possible solutions and really, really care deeply – but this summer, about way too many things at once. With a few family health issues thrown on top and B’s move out of the offices, I’ve been feeling really stressed and that I’m not on top of anything.

Oh, and this month will bring the tenth anniversary of Top of JC’s Mind and I wanted to do some things to celebrate, like finally upgrading to have my own domain name and such. Maybe that will happen?

(You can probably tell I’m having trouble keeping my mind on one thing at a time…)

At least, an end is in sight.

The residency will happen whether or not I’m optimally prepared, followed by the official launch of the Third Act Upstate New York Working Group on October 5 – you’ll be hearing more about that when registration information becomes available – and the first Madrigal Choir of Binghamton concert on October 22nd, which you’ll also be hearing more about closer to the date. And stuff will be going on with church and poetry and blogging and family and the news and on and on.

So, I did say “an end” rather than “the end.”

I know that more complications will arise and there will be more to do and ponder and meet about but I’m making plans to step back in some ways so that I’m not feeling so overwhelmed and can try to concentrate more on poetry again, as I had originally intended.

Not sure if I will manage it or not but you’ll probably (eventually) find out by staying tuned here at Top of JC’s Mind.

At least, I hope so…
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “mostly/at least.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/09/08/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-9-2023/

One-Liner Wednesday: trouble

You know you’re in trouble when even finding a meaningful quote for One-Liner Wednesday is beyond your brainpower.

This (poor excuse of a) post is brought to you as part of Linda’s One-Liner Wednesdays. Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/03/08/one-liner-wednesday-im-over-it/

SoCS: time together

Given that we live in the US and our granddaughters live in the UK, we prize any time that we have together.

Our five-year-old granddaughter ABC lived with us and her mom until she was a bit over two years old. Then, E’s spousal visa came through and they joined their spouse-and-dad in London. We made our first trip “across the pond” a couple of months later, hoping to return again in the spring, but that was 2020 and the pandemic struck, so, no.

We missed the birth and whole first year of granddaughter JG’s life. We met her first on a bittersweet trip here so that E could have a last visit with her grandfather Paco. We will always be grateful that Paco was able to meet JG and that ABC, who remembered him from living here when she was a baby/toddler, was able to see him and dance and sing for him. E was Paco’s first grandchild and it was so important that she got to see him one last time. I’m crying now just thinking about it. It was just after that visit that Paco began his last, steep decline and he died a few weeks later.

That visit had been very confusing for JG. As a pandemic baby, she hadn’t been out of her house very much, much less flown across an ocean and plunked down in a new country with new people. She was also at a developmental time of stranger anxiety, so we had to be careful not to intrude on her comfort zone.

Without having to care for Paco, we were able to make a couple of trips to the UK (although they happened to be during omicron surges); still, JG was not too sure about these people who occasionally appeared on her mom’s computer screen suddenly showing up.

Enter 2023. JG is now almost 2 and a half and having a surge in language development and is able to make connections that she had been too young to make previously. She starts calling us by name when we video chat and wanting to say hi and showing us things. When we went to visit earlier this month, she gave us hugs and played with us and let us pick her up and called us by name and stayed with us at our Airbnb while her mom and dad did errands and snuggled and fell asleep cuddled on the couch.

For the first time, she knew we were her grandparents, her mom’s mom and dad. Correction: her mum‘s parents, as mom is the more common American expression and she is, of course, adopting the more British mum.

What a prize! I had been afraid that JG wouldn’t really remember us because we are so far away and that occasional visits wouldn’t be enough to establish a real relationship with her as we have enjoyed with her sister ABC.

Transatlantic grandparenting will still be challenging. I don’t have personal experience with such a long distance between grandparents and grandchild, but I think we’ll figure it out.

We are hopeful that E and her family will be here in April for Easter, JG’s first trip back since she came to meet Paco just after she turned one. I don’t think she will remember having been here, although ABC will probably still remember every nook and cranny of our house and yard, as she did when they came back to see Paco a year and a half ago.

It was a week ago that we said our good-byes to fly back to the States. Anticipating a visit from them in just a few weeks made it easier to leave them. Although JG won’t remember the house, she will remember us.

What a comfort!

What a prize!
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “prize,” which I sneakily used to write the post I needed to write this weekend. Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/02/24/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-25-2023/.