Category: poetry

SoCS: JC’s Confessions #35

reading difficulties

While this post will be stream of consciousness for Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday on the prompt “easy/hard,” it is also part of my occasional series JC’s Confessions, so I will open with the usual non-SoC opening for that series.

In the first few seasons of The Late Show, Stephen Colbert did a recurring skit, then a best-selling book, called Midnight Confessions, in which he “confesses” to his audience with the disclaimer that he isn’t sure these things are really sins but that he does “feel bad about them.” While Stephen and his writers are famously funny, I am not, so my JC’s Confessions will be somewhat more serious reflections, but they will be things that I feel bad about. Stephen’s audience always forgives him at the end of the segment; I’m not expecting that – and these aren’t really sins – but comments are always welcome.

Reading, which is something that was usually easy for me, is now often hard to do.

As someone who loves reading and who is trying to be a writer and poet, that’s a hard thing to admit.

This change is mostly related to what has recently been diagnosed as hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS), an inherited connective tissue disorder that affects collagen. Because we have connective tissue throughout our bodies, many different body parts and systems are affected and the symptoms and their locations vary over time.

For these last couple of years, I’ve been having a lot of problems with my brain and with fatigue.

I often have brain fog, which makes it difficult to concentrate. This makes it hard to read anything that is long, like books. I do better with short things, so I do a lot of my reading these days in the forms of emails, so, given what is going on, I read commentary on political topics and environmental problems and some Catholic church/social justice news that lands in my inbox.

You would think that poems would be perfect for my length limitations, but, sadly, this isn’t the case. I’ve largely lost contact with the creative side of my thinking, making it hard for me to read poetry most of the time, as I am not able to really appreciate the art of the poet. I hadn’t realized how much of my own creativity is wrapped up in reading someone else’s work. I do still manage to do a bit of reading of poems, especially my poet-friends’ work, but it’s frustrating and sad for me, knowing that I can’t fully appreciate their artistry.

I also have severe limits on how long I can read, write, or concentrate. I’m writing this in the morning and hope to draft one other practical letter I need to write, but that will probably be about it for the day because I will be very tired afterward. In order to have energy to go to vigil mass at 4:00, I’ll most likely spend the early afternoon lying down and resting.

It’s really hard to deal with these limitations on my brain power and energy.

There are also some other problems caused by my hEDS that interfere with my reading. I’m having a couple of problems with my eyes. I have some level of visual disturbance going on, especially with my left eye, which causes some blurring that isn’t able to be corrected with glasses. The problem isn’t with the eye itself but with the brain in processing it – at least that is the current theory. It may be related to dysautonomia, where the regulation of all those things that our bodies ordinarily do without our thinking about them goes a bit haywire. On rare occasions, I can concentrate hard enough on what I am looking at that I can get the blurriness to clear, although only for a short amount of time and at risk of ramping up the fatigue.

The other connective tissue-related eye problem is dry eye, which I treat with prescription drops, artificial tears, and taking flaxseed oil. These help but don’t eliminate the problem, which, on top of everything else, makes reading, especially onscreen, more tiring.

Now that we know about the hEDS, we may be better able to address some of the problems underlying this struggle I’m having with reading.

Or not.

I have a bunch of referrals to new specialists pending. I’m most anxious to find help for the brain fog/fatigue symptoms so that I can think and feel like myself again.

Meanwhile, I feel sad – and, sometimes, guilty – that I can’t manage to read my friends’ work or keep up with the torrent of news and commentary that I would like to do.

I try to give myself grace, but it’s hard.

*****
You are invited to join us for Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturdays. Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/03/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-21-2026/

several things…

By rights, there are several posts I should write but I don’t have the brain to do it so this post will be short takes on different topics glommed together. Sorry about that.

I am horrified by the US and Israel attack on Iran which included the assassination of many of their leaders, including the Grand Aytollah. I am also horrified by the couterattacks of Iran against many of their Middle East neighbors. None of this had to happen. In his first term, Trump walked out on a multi-country agreement that was keeping Iran from developing a nuclear weapon. If he had left it in place, there would not have been the pretense for these attacks now. I hope that Congress finds the courage to vote that this is not a valid use of presidential power; the US Constitution makes clear that only Congress has the power to declare war. Still, with the war underway, it will be difficult to stop it. I do think, though, that this constitutes grounds for impeachment. Unauthorized war certainly seems to fit the definition of a “high crime.”

If you need a brief break from the horror, you can visit my new (five-line) poem with Silver Birch Press. My blog post about it is here.

Yesterday, I got a COVID vaccine. Now that I am 65, I can choose to renew my protection more frequently. My last dose was in late August so that I had my strongest immunity for the Boiler House Poets Collective 10th anniversary residency several weeks later. Like all my other COVID vaccines, this was from Pfizer, which is fitting because B, T, and I all participated in the Phase III trial that led to its emergency authorization in the US in December, 2020. To my knowledge, T and I have never contracted COVID and I’d like to keep it that way, if I can. It is likely that I will be needing to travel to major medical centers in the coming months, so I thought it was prudent to re-up my resistance to COVID. While many people ignore the existence of COVID at this point, it is still out there infecting, sickening, and sometimes killing people, especially in the older demographic. I want to do everything I can to not be one of them, especially with so much else going on with my health.

While I can still get some reaction from the vaccine, it’s much milder than it was initially. I chose to have the shot in my right arm, which is already pretty severely affected by what appears to be thoracic outlet syndrome, so my right arm is very sore today. I’m also fatigued, but it’s hard to tell if the shot is contributing to that or not, as that has also been part of my hEDS symptoms for a couple years now.

There’s a lot more to say, but I don’t have the energy and focus to write more now. Wishing you as much peace and equanimity as you can find in the midst of all of this.

new poem on Silver Birch Press

Silver Birch Press has just published my tanka, “Natives“, as part of their BUGS & INSECTS series! Many thanks to Melanie and SBP for including me in this months-long series!

I really appreciate that SBP includes author notes. Here, it’s a chance to talk a bit about native plants and pollinators.

Please feel free to comment here or on the post itself, if you are so moved. Also, you can click around and read some of the diverse work centered around bugs and insects in this series or re-visit past series. I’ve loved participating in a number of Silver Birch Press prompt series over the past several years and hope to submit to more in the future.

SoCS: Be prepared

I grew up with the motto, Be Prepared.

This was very useful because we lived in a rural setting with no houses nearby so you couldn’t go to the neighbors’ house to borrow a needed tool or recipe ingredient. The grocery store was 20 miles away so it wasn’t easy to pick up bread or milk or whatever you might have run out of, so we kept a well-stocked pantry and freezer.

Even though I live in a neighborhood now – and have for years – I still tended to keep extra supplies on hand, in order to be prepared for a change in plans or an unexpected circumstances.

Still, though, despite preparations, there are some things for which we are never quite prepared.

Recently, I’ve had some instances of re-visiting my poetry chapbook, Hearts. The poems center on my mother, especially her final years when she was living with heart failure. We knew that she was slowly dying and tried to prepare but, when the time came, it was still somewhat of a shock. I know from discussions I’ve had with others that our preparations for loss are seldom adequate.

For me, there is, though, a certain comfort in trying to prepare, even when my preparations aren’t sufficient.

I’ll keep trying…
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Concsiousness Saturday this week is to base your post on a word the starts with “pre.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/02/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-21-2026/

SoCS: life chapters

I often think of my life in chapters.

They aren’t sequential or in blocks of time, though.

It’s more that they are organized topically.

For example, in my volunteer life, there are chapters around church, social justice advocacy, environmental causes, and school curriculum and committees when I was a parent.

In music, there is the church music and organ chapter, composition, and choral music, starting in high school, then Smith College both as a student and alum, decades with University Chorus at SUNY-Binghamton, and now with the Madrigal Choir of Binghamton.

In my personal life, the chapters are very long. Some as a daughter, granddaughter, and sister are life-long. Even though my parents and grandparents have all passed away, being a daughter and granddaughter is forever, as is being a sister.

Another long chapter which is ongoing is with my spouse B, who I met early in high school. We will celebrate our 44th anniversary later this year. I think that part of the reason we are who we are at this point is that we were able to grow and change together over all this time.

And then, there is my writing life, with chapters for school, what I think of as utilitarian writing like doing commentary, blogging, and poetry.

Two chapters that remain close to my heart are as a mom and, for the last 8 and a half years, a grandmother. Those chapters are the most forward-looking. I don’t think of my daughters’ and granddaughters’ stories as sequels to mine because they are their own authors but I am honored to be a chapter in their own books of life.
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “chapter.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/02/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-7-2026/

mass online

I had hoped to attend vigil mass yesterday afternoon but the level of dysautonomia, pain, and fatigue I was having made it inadvisable. It was cold and I didn’t think that I could handle the amount of walking and being upright involved, even if I went to a nearby church rather than my own church which is a further drive.

Instead, I participated in an online mass through Heart of the Nation. While a local station televises the mass on Sunday, I was able to access it online on Saturday. One of my favorite homilists was presiding and viewing online gives a bit more time so I got to hear more music than in the televised version.

Back during my mother’s illness, she used to watch mass on television when she could no longer attend in person and visitors from the church would bring her communion from time to time. Eventually, I was given a pyx so that I could bring the Eucharist to her myself. It is mentioned in this poem, first published by Wilderness House Literary Review:

In my purse

cheap pens I won’t miss if they’re lost
my wallet, heavy with too many coins
ibuprofen for headaches
a pack of tissues
hair ties for windy days
a dog-eared calendar
my license to drive
a crumpled shopping list
emergency cough drops
a pyx
my favorite mechanical pencil, extra lead
credit cards – insurance cards – loyalty cards
a laminated prayer card from my mother’s funeral

One of the blessings of the pandemic shutdowns for me was the re-discovery of online or televised mass when I couldn’t attend in person. It’s comforting to have that alternative on weekends like this one.

I may need to take it more often in the future if we can’t get better control of my symptoms.
*****
Join us for Linda’s Just Jot It January! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/01/25/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-25th-2026/

SoCS: Top of JC’s Mind

I started Top of JC’s Mind in September, 2013, and, sometimes, I like to take another look at some of my older posts.

It’s an eclectic blog with lots of topics and you could rummage around in old posts, too, if you like.

Sometimes, I am looking back for specific topics or events. There are also threads that weave in and out over time.

For example, I wrote a lot of comments on the eventually successful campaign to keep shale gas fracking out of New York – which had a brief, ugly reprise in the more recent effort to add CO2 fracking to our state ban. There are also renewable energy posts, including posts on heat pumps, solar panels, and EVs. We are proud to be an electrified household powered by the sun!

There are poetry posts, including posts from my residencies with the Boiler House Poets Collective at the Studios at MASS MoCA which began in fall 2015.

I’ve written quite a lot of COVID/pandemic posts. I’m humbled that one of the local historical societies has been printing those posts to place in their archives for possible research in the future.

The most poignant posts for me are the ones that involve my family. I wrote about my parents in their final years. Those posts were helpful to me at the time as a way to process what was going on but are also good to look back on from time to time.

While I’m admittedly not a great photographer, I’ve tried to include some photos. It’s handy that, during the years of Top of JC’s Mind, we have had family living in Hawai’i, and later, London. Even an amateur can take decent photos in those settings. I also like to take photos in the western Massachusetts/Southern Vermont area where I lived as a child and teen.

So, I invite you to take another look at Top of JC’s Mind.

Or a first look, if that is more applicable…
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Concsiousness Saturday this week is “take another look.” Find more information on joining us for SoCS and/or Just Jot It January here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/01/23/the-friday-reminder-for-socs-jusjojan-2026-daily-prompt-for-jan-24th/

One-Liner Wednesday: Renee Nicole Good

murdered poet gifts
words crowds magnify Renee’s
voice radiates Good

Sharing again the haiku I posted Monday about Renee Nicole Good, whose death at the hands of an ICE agent in Minneapolis has horrified millions in the United States and around the world.

Please join us for Linda’s One-Liner Wednesdays and/or Just Jot It January! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/01/14/one-liner-wednesday-jusjojan26-the-14th-decisions-decisions/

haiku for Renee Nicole Good

murdered poet gifts
words crowds magnify Renee’s
voice radiates Good

After finding out the day after her murder that Renee Nicole Good was a poet, I woke up Friday morning with the idea for this haiku in my head. I worked on it and sent it to the nearly-impossible-to-make-the-cut Rattle Poets Respond, which requires submissions by Friday midnight that relate to news from the last week and were written in that time.

After the anticipated rejection arrived, I pondered whether to try another venue or publish it here. I had the rare opportunity to meet with the Grapevine Poets yesterday and decided that I should share it here so it would be available in a timely manner.

I used to meet with the Grapevine Poets for early-evening workshopping every other week but haven’t been able to for most of the last two years due to my health situation. Yesterday, we had an afternoon craft discussion, which I could manage because I could muster enough energy and brain power at that time of day.

During this time of health struggles, I haven’t been able to write poetry very often, so I’ve seized this opportunity. I like writing haiku and tanka and those forms hold the additional appeal of being very short, which matches my limited energy and ability to focus. I haven’t shown this to anyone so this is just coming from my own head and heart.

A feature of this haiku is that I chose to forgo punctuation and capitalization, other than Renee’s name. This gives the opportunity to read the lines with pauses in different places, which places emphasis on different words. It also makes this haiku particularly dense. I’m not sure if this works for other readers or not, but I would appreciate any comments that anyone might like to share.

This post is part of Linda’s Just Jot It January. Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/01/12/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-12th-2026/

Reblog: Carol Mikoda’s Outside of Time now available!

Originally published on the Boiler House Poets Collective site here: https://boilerhousepc.wordpress.com/2025/11/26/carol-mikodas-outside-of-time-now-available/

Photo caption: Carol Mikoda reading from Outside of Time at the North Adams Public Library (photo by Mary Beth Hines)

When Kelsay Books published Carol Mikoda’s Outside of Time in October, she celebrated with a reading at the North Adams Public Library. Carol was in residence at the Studios at MASS MoCA (Massachusetts Museum of Contemporary Art) as a member of the Boiler House Poets Collective. Participating in the reading marking the tenth anniversary of the Boiler House Poets were fellow Kelsay authors Joanne Corey (Hearts), Jessica Dubay (All Those Years Underwater), and Mary Beth Hines (Winter at a Summer House), along with Merrill Oliver Douglas, Judith Hoyer, Kyle Laws, Deborah Marshall, Eva Schegulla, and Wendy Stewart.

You can read and hear more of Carol Mikoda’s work on her Substack, The Yellow Table.