Category: musings

SoCS: JC’s Confessions #35

reading difficulties

While this post will be stream of consciousness for Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday on the prompt “easy/hard,” it is also part of my occasional series JC’s Confessions, so I will open with the usual non-SoC opening for that series.

In the first few seasons of The Late Show, Stephen Colbert did a recurring skit, then a best-selling book, called Midnight Confessions, in which he “confesses” to his audience with the disclaimer that he isn’t sure these things are really sins but that he does “feel bad about them.” While Stephen and his writers are famously funny, I am not, so my JC’s Confessions will be somewhat more serious reflections, but they will be things that I feel bad about. Stephen’s audience always forgives him at the end of the segment; I’m not expecting that – and these aren’t really sins – but comments are always welcome.

Reading, which is something that was usually easy for me, is now often hard to do.

As someone who loves reading and who is trying to be a writer and poet, that’s a hard thing to admit.

This change is mostly related to what has recently been diagnosed as hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS), an inherited connective tissue disorder that affects collagen. Because we have connective tissue throughout our bodies, many different body parts and systems are affected and the symptoms and their locations vary over time.

For these last couple of years, I’ve been having a lot of problems with my brain and with fatigue.

I often have brain fog, which makes it difficult to concentrate. This makes it hard to read anything that is long, like books. I do better with short things, so I do a lot of my reading these days in the forms of emails, so, given what is going on, I read commentary on political topics and environmental problems and some Catholic church/social justice news that lands in my inbox.

You would think that poems would be perfect for my length limitations, but, sadly, this isn’t the case. I’ve largely lost contact with the creative side of my thinking, making it hard for me to read poetry most of the time, as I am not able to really appreciate the art of the poet. I hadn’t realized how much of my own creativity is wrapped up in reading someone else’s work. I do still manage to do a bit of reading of poems, especially my poet-friends’ work, but it’s frustrating and sad for me, knowing that I can’t fully appreciate their artistry.

I also have severe limits on how long I can read, write, or concentrate. I’m writing this in the morning and hope to draft one other practical letter I need to write, but that will probably be about it for the day because I will be very tired afterward. In order to have energy to go to vigil mass at 4:00, I’ll most likely spend the early afternoon lying down and resting.

It’s really hard to deal with these limitations on my brain power and energy.

There are also some other problems caused by my hEDS that interfere with my reading. I’m having a couple of problems with my eyes. I have some level of visual disturbance going on, especially with my left eye, which causes some blurring that isn’t able to be corrected with glasses. The problem isn’t with the eye itself but with the brain in processing it – at least that is the current theory. It may be related to dysautonomia, where the regulation of all those things that our bodies ordinarily do without our thinking about them goes a bit haywire. On rare occasions, I can concentrate hard enough on what I am looking at that I can get the blurriness to clear, although only for a short amount of time and at risk of ramping up the fatigue.

The other connective tissue-related eye problem is dry eye, which I treat with prescription drops, artificial tears, and taking flaxseed oil. These help but don’t eliminate the problem, which, on top of everything else, makes reading, especially onscreen, more tiring.

Now that we know about the hEDS, we may be better able to address some of the problems underlying this struggle I’m having with reading.

Or not.

I have a bunch of referrals to new specialists pending. I’m most anxious to find help for the brain fog/fatigue symptoms so that I can think and feel like myself again.

Meanwhile, I feel sad – and, sometimes, guilty – that I can’t manage to read my friends’ work or keep up with the torrent of news and commentary that I would like to do.

I try to give myself grace, but it’s hard.

*****
You are invited to join us for Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturdays. Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/03/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-21-2026/

One-Liner Wednesday: change

 As St. John Henry Newman said in his Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine, “To live is to change and to be perfect is to have changed often.”

Join us for Linda’s One-Liner Wednesdays! Learn more here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/03/18/one-liner-wednesday-why-3/

250th Evacuation Day!

March 17th is observed by Catholics around the world – and everyone who is of Irish heritage or who just wants to join the celebration – as St. Patrick’s Day.

My late father-in-law was an elementary school principal in western Massachusetts for many years and observed March 17th as Evacuation Day, the day in 1776 when the British evacuated their soldiers, some loyalists, and their ships from Boston, ending a 332-day siege. This year marks the semiquincentennial of that event.

At school, he would announce the day over the intercom in morning announcements. As computers and dot matrix printers appeared later in his tenure as principal, he designed an Evacuation Day card.

He would also buy Evacuation Day flowers for his wife, a bit of an inside joke as she also was of Irish heritage so March 17th was St. Patrick’s Day for her. After he passed away in 2005, we took up the family tradition of Evacuation Day flowers, sending them to Grandma and also featuring them in our home.

Now, we give Evacuation Day flowers to our daughters, which is even more ironic now that one of them lives in London with daughters of her own who will, no doubt, have a different perspective on this history.

Wishing you all a great day, whether you observe St. Patrick’s Day, Evacuation Day, or just another Tuesday today!

About the photo: This is a picture of my dad, known here as Paco, taken in Ireland in 2019 when my sisters took him on his first-and-only trip there when he was 94. He was of Irish heritage and had wanted to visit but wouldn’t go without our mom who didn’t fly. The trip happened in October after her death in May and, though we couldn’t have known then, just months before COVID-19 became an international pandemic. Paco passed away in September, 2021, so it was indeed the “luck of the Irish” that he was able to see Ireland in the brief window in which it was possible.

Paco’s middle name was Patrick.

It’s Pi Day!

In honor of Pi Day (3/14), spouse B made a maple pecan pie in our special “pi” pie plate. If you can’t make it out from the photo, the rim has the value of pi printed out to a hundred or so decimal places.

Yes, we are just that geeky!

We actually have two pi pie plate because my sisters each saw them and thought of B and bought them for Christmas gifts. We use them often but lots of times the rim is covered by crust so you can’t see the numbers. Not a problem with the maple pecan pie, though!

Hoping that everyone has some pie today – or something as yummy!

One-Liner Wednesday: Hot Cross Buns

Spouse B made Lenten Hot Cross Buns with old-school dough crosses rather than icing


Join us for Linda’s One-Liner Wednesdays! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/03/11/one-liner-wednesday-a-burning-question/

several things…

By rights, there are several posts I should write but I don’t have the brain to do it so this post will be short takes on different topics glommed together. Sorry about that.

I am horrified by the US and Israel attack on Iran which included the assassination of many of their leaders, including the Grand Aytollah. I am also horrified by the couterattacks of Iran against many of their Middle East neighbors. None of this had to happen. In his first term, Trump walked out on a multi-country agreement that was keeping Iran from developing a nuclear weapon. If he had left it in place, there would not have been the pretense for these attacks now. I hope that Congress finds the courage to vote that this is not a valid use of presidential power; the US Constitution makes clear that only Congress has the power to declare war. Still, with the war underway, it will be difficult to stop it. I do think, though, that this constitutes grounds for impeachment. Unauthorized war certainly seems to fit the definition of a “high crime.”

If you need a brief break from the horror, you can visit my new (five-line) poem with Silver Birch Press. My blog post about it is here.

Yesterday, I got a COVID vaccine. Now that I am 65, I can choose to renew my protection more frequently. My last dose was in late August so that I had my strongest immunity for the Boiler House Poets Collective 10th anniversary residency several weeks later. Like all my other COVID vaccines, this was from Pfizer, which is fitting because B, T, and I all participated in the Phase III trial that led to its emergency authorization in the US in December, 2020. To my knowledge, T and I have never contracted COVID and I’d like to keep it that way, if I can. It is likely that I will be needing to travel to major medical centers in the coming months, so I thought it was prudent to re-up my resistance to COVID. While many people ignore the existence of COVID at this point, it is still out there infecting, sickening, and sometimes killing people, especially in the older demographic. I want to do everything I can to not be one of them, especially with so much else going on with my health.

While I can still get some reaction from the vaccine, it’s much milder than it was initially. I chose to have the shot in my right arm, which is already pretty severely affected by what appears to be thoracic outlet syndrome, so my right arm is very sore today. I’m also fatigued, but it’s hard to tell if the shot is contributing to that or not, as that has also been part of my hEDS symptoms for a couple years now.

There’s a lot more to say, but I don’t have the energy and focus to write more now. Wishing you as much peace and equanimity as you can find in the midst of all of this.

new poem on Silver Birch Press

Silver Birch Press has just published my tanka, “Natives“, as part of their BUGS & INSECTS series! Many thanks to Melanie and SBP for including me in this months-long series!

I really appreciate that SBP includes author notes. Here, it’s a chance to talk a bit about native plants and pollinators.

Please feel free to comment here or on the post itself, if you are so moved. Also, you can click around and read some of the diverse work centered around bugs and insects in this series or re-visit past series. I’ve loved participating in a number of Silver Birch Press prompt series over the past several years and hope to submit to more in the future.

SoCS: Be prepared

I grew up with the motto, Be Prepared.

This was very useful because we lived in a rural setting with no houses nearby so you couldn’t go to the neighbors’ house to borrow a needed tool or recipe ingredient. The grocery store was 20 miles away so it wasn’t easy to pick up bread or milk or whatever you might have run out of, so we kept a well-stocked pantry and freezer.

Even though I live in a neighborhood now – and have for years – I still tended to keep extra supplies on hand, in order to be prepared for a change in plans or an unexpected circumstances.

Still, though, despite preparations, there are some things for which we are never quite prepared.

Recently, I’ve had some instances of re-visiting my poetry chapbook, Hearts. The poems center on my mother, especially her final years when she was living with heart failure. We knew that she was slowly dying and tried to prepare but, when the time came, it was still somewhat of a shock. I know from discussions I’ve had with others that our preparations for loss are seldom adequate.

For me, there is, though, a certain comfort in trying to prepare, even when my preparations aren’t sufficient.

I’ll keep trying…
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Concsiousness Saturday this week is to base your post on a word the starts with “pre.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2026/02/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-21-2026/

One-Liner Wednesday: Valentine’s food

For One-Liner Wednesday this week, I’m following up on my Stream of Consciousness Saturday post which mentioned the Valentine’s Day dinner B prepared for daughter T and me.

Individual beef Wellington, which looks huge because it is on B’s grandparents’ china, back when plates were a more reasonable size (not pictured: the roasted potatoes and butternut squash)
tiramisu – this is T’s piece with the cocoa, which B left off mine as I, sadly, can’t have it

Presidents’ Day


(Photo by Lucas Sankey on Unsplash)

Today is observed as Presidents’ Day in the United States.

I am old enough to remember the days before the Monday Holiday Bill, which moved a lot of federal holiday dates to create long weekends.

At that time, February held the observance of two of our greatest presidents, George Washington on the 22nd and Abraham Lincoln on the 12th. These were combined to create Presidents’ Day, celebrated on the third Monday in February.

Therefore, Presidents’ Day is not intended to celebrate all the US presidents but, specifically, Washington and Lincoln.

May people reflect on the character and accomplishments of these two great presidents and use that reflection to inform their choices for public servants in the present and future.