SoCS: Nutkin

One of the things that Baby ABC’s dad does during their skype visits is read to her. Lately, he has been reading Beatrix Potter tales. I wonder if he has read “The Tale of Squirrel Nutkin” to her yet. Nutkin had an accident that left him with only half his tail! When E (ABC’s mom) was little, it was one of her favorite Beatrix Potter tales. She used to call him Nutkin Nutkin.

ABC can see squirrels under the birdfeeders in our back yard, although they are grey, unlike Squirrel Nutkin. They also have full, bushy tails!
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “tail/tale.” Join us! Find out how here:
https://lindaghill.com/2018/02/09/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-10-18/

 

Italian week

ABC, at eight months, is adding new foods to her repertoire.

This week, she has enjoyed mushroom ravioli, bucatini with tomato sauce, and caramel panna cotta.

She was especially enthused about me sharing my panna cotta with her.

It’s not surprising.

After all, one eighth of her ethnic heritage is Italian.

First haircut

This week, ABC celebrated being eight months old with her first haircut. I should probably say trim, as it was just a bit of her bangs and some locks of hair near her ears that had grown long.

E and ABC accompanied me to my bang trim with Diane, my long-time stylist. We had been planning to ask for a trim for ABC when E is having her haircut next week, but Diane had a bit of time and said she would be honored to do it right then.

E held ABC on her lap and Diane draped her with a towel and gently and safely snipped the fine, dark locks, while talking to ABC, who was amenable to the whole operation.

Diane placed the locks into an envelope, sealed it, and signed it with name, date, and place. E now has it for safekeeping.

In a photo album on the bookshelf in my living room is a similar envelope from thirty years ago, when Diane first cut E’s blonde hair.

SoCS: back to normal

So, it has been a few days since I posted…

In other words, back to normal…

I had diligently posted every day for Just Jot It January and briefly considered continuing to post every day, but life intervened.

In other words, back to normal…

Or not. The word normal and my life do not belong in the same sentence.

Last week included a daughter coming down with a stomach bug, another daughter recovering from surgery to remove what we thought was a swollen lymph node but turned out to be a cyst, my spouse’s second cataract surgery, and an almost eight-month-old granddaughter that needed tending.

Sadly, last week also included the realization that we needed to upgrade the level of care for my mom, known here on Top of JC’s Mind as Nana. She has been under the care of hospice for seven months and is still in her apartment with my dad. She has had overnight aides, but we are now transitioning to daytime aides in addition. We have made some medication changes in hopes that she will have a bit of symptom relief from the increasing congestive heart failure. CHF is not a very predictable condition. There have been a number of dips with partial improvement following over the months, but you can never tell in the midst of a dip when or if improvement will come.

I know that people who read my blog frequently have been sending positive thoughts to Nana.  Thank you so much for your support.
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “in other words.”  Join us! Find out how here:
https://lindaghill.com/2018/02/02/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-3-18/

 

 

another surgery

My family is having a surgery a week lately. Last week, daughter E had a stubbornly swollen lymph node removed. Although screening tests seemed to suggest that it was benign, I decided not to mention it until the pathology came back. We now have confirmation, which was a relief.

It is a bit tricky with the recovery, in that E is not supposed to do heavy lifting. While ABC is not huge for a seven-month-old, she is definitely over the ten pound lifting limit, so B, T, and I have been trying to do most of the ABC lifting, especially getting her out of her crib and giving her baths.

Healing is underway and soon E will be back to full strength, although B, T, and I don’t need an excuse to help take care of ABC!
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Join us for Linda’s Just Jot It January! Find out more here:
https://lindaghill.com/2018/01/28/jusjojan-daily-prompt-january-28th-2018/

SoCS: almost crawling

At seven and a half months, Baby ABC is almost crawling.

She is expert at reaching for things while sitting and then pushing herself back to sitting after she has grabbed whatever she wanted. She rocks on her tummy like a little boat. She grabs at things with her hands and pulls herself along the floor.

Her newest trick is to tuck one knee under her while sitting with the other still flat on the floor for balance, which extends her reach and is the closest to crawling yet.

I think we had better do some serious babyproofing this weekend. It won’t be long now…
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This post is part of Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday and Just Jot It January. The prompt for SoCS was to write about movement without using the word. You can find out more about #SoCS and/or #JusJoJan here:
https://lindaghill.com/2018/01/26/the-friday-reminder-for-socs-jusjojan-daily-prompt-jan-27th-2018/

 

 

learning about consent

One of the purposes of the choice of “Be Heard” as the theme of the Binghamton Women’s March was to listen to perspectives that have often been silenced. One of the most powerful speeches was about sexual assault.

With the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements in the news, I have also been having some discussions about consent and assault/harassment with my daughters, who are in their late twenties and early thirties.

The Women’s March speaker who was a survivor of sexual assault said something that really articulated the issue of consent for me, something along the lines of she is not sure if she said no, but she was very sure she did not say yes. She did not give consent.

Her words crystallized something for me so that I understood better what my daughters and other younger women have been saying. As a woman in her later fifties, I wasn’t really brought up with discussion about consent. We were trained to be vigilant about making sure no one drugged our drinks at a party and about staying away from dark or isolated places, but not about what to do if a date or acquaintance pressured or overpowered or coerced us into unwanted sexual behavior.

I understood over time that it was never about what women wore or if they had been drinking or if they knew their attacker. Women who are assaulted are not at fault for their assault. No means no.

What I hadn’t understood until now was the extent to which no means no is not enough. Women may freeze or shut down in fear when faced with sexual aggression and may not be able to say no. They may not be able to leave the situation without the threat of violence against them. Asking “why didn’t she just leave?” is akin to asking “why was she wearing that?”

The questions are placing blame on the victim rather than on the perpetrator.

All forms of abuse and harassment are abuses of power. Sexual abuse and harassment are no different.

Consent needs to mutual, ongoing, and enthusiastic from all participants. Anything less makes what should be a caring and loving encounter into an abuse of power.
*****
Join us for Linda’s Just Jot It January! Find out more here:
https://lindaghill.com/2018/01/22/jusjojan-daily-prompt-january-22nd-2018/

 

 

SoCS: October

October is one of my favorite months.

Part of the reason is that I was born in October. My birthday is the fourth, which also happens to be the feast day of Saint Francis of Assisi, who has become increasingly important to me spiritually over the years.

Growing up In New England, I always appreciated the beauty of October. It is the month when the leaves turn colors. Because our forests are mixed, there are red, orange, yellow, and russet leaves, punctuated with the deep greens of evergreens. I am lucky to still live in the Northeastern United States so our autumn foliage is still similar.

The last two Octobers I have  been back in my home area for early October with the Boiler House Poets in residency at MASS MoCA. Being back at that time of year is even more special as it has coincided with the annual Fall Foliage Festival. I have even written a poem about it.

Of course, October ends with Halloween. I admit that it is not one of my favorite holidays, but October 31st is special for another reason. It is my elder sister’s birthday and so another reason to celebrate the crisp, beautiful month of October.
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The prompt this week was a word beginning with “oc.” Join us for Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday and/or Just Jot It January! Find out more here:
https://lindaghill.com/2018/01/19/the-friday-reminder-for-socs-jusjojan-daily-prompt-jan-20th-2018/

US immigration

The current United States government offers so many perplexities and outrages that it is difficult to react or reach out to policymakers about all of them. Or most of them. Even closely following a handful of issues can be daunting as legislation and DT’s mind often change markedly over the course of a few hours.

One of the most critical issues at the moment is immigration. DT has insisted since his campaign began that he would build a wall across our southern border and deport undocumented people. He also wanted to restrict Muslims from entering the country, even though that clearly violates the US Constitution and laws.

As president, he has succeeded in restricting visas from some majority Muslim nations and has been deporting some undocumented people who had been allowed previously to stay. In recent months, problems have intensified for people who were brought to the United States as children, known as Dreamers. Then-President Barack Obama had signed an executive order on Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) in 2012, protecting some of the Dreamers until Congress could pass a comprehensive immigration reform bill. The Senate did so in 2013, but the House of Representatives failed to consider it, so DACA stayed in place until DT rescinded it in September 2017, calling on Congress to put a law in place to deal with the issue within six months. At the moment, there is the threat of a government shutdown because the budget still hasn’t passed and a replacement for DACA has been drawn into the negotiations.

It’s actually even more complicated than that, but I’ll spare you any more details.

The general upshot is that the current US immigration system is broken and has been for a long time. Some of the same people who rail against immigrants are exploiting immigrant labor, either undocumented people or those brought in as guest workers. For example, DT’s Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida has for years used H-2B visas to bring in foreign workers, even though there are Floridians available to take those jobs.

Immigration issues are sometimes used as cover for discrimination, prejudice, and racist attitudes. The most blatant recent example is DT’s disparaging Haiti, El Salvador, and African countries while asking why we don’t have more immigrants from Norway, a country with less than 10% people of color.

The vast majority of United States citizens are either immigrants themselves or have forebears who were immigrants. Many of those people came here to escape poverty or oppression in their home countries, the same reasons many current immigrants come here. Others came here to join family members.

It is hypocritical for people in government to disparage current immigrants when people in their families followed the same pattern in settling here.

It is true that our immigration procedures are desperately in need of updating. Processing times are also very slow, partly due to outdated procedures and quotas.

As some readers may recall, my daughter E’s spouse is British. They met in grad school and married and now have a daughter. At the moment, E and the baby are living in the US with us; L had to return to the UK after his student visa expired. They hope that E will be able to get a spousal visa in the UK later this year. Despite the uncertainties caused by Brexit, it is much easier, faster, and cheaper for E to get a UK visa than for L to get a US green card. I’m sad to say that there are some in the US who might use L’s immigration status, even though it would be legal, as a covert means of racial discrimination.

It has been heartbreaking to see families being broken apart as parents are deported away from their citizen children or children leave the only country they know to go to a parent’s country of origin where they may not even speak or write the language.

Congress and the President have the power to show compassion, justice, and welcome to immigrants by instituting a new system with an earned path to citizenship, similar to the path their ancestors followed in setting here.

Enough of the name-calling and threatening and divisiveness.

It’s time to protect the Dreamers, those under temporary protected status, and all immigrants, regardless of current documentation status. As Emma Lazarus wrote in “The New Colossus” which is inscribed on the Statue of Liberty:

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

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Join us for Linda’s Just Jot It January! Find out more here:
https://lindaghill.com/2018/01/18/jusjojan-daily-prompt-january-18th-2018/

 

Eye One

This will really be “just a jot” today. B had cataract surgery this morning, which went well, but today has been super busy.

There will be an early morning recheck tomorrow and his vision should improve as the eye heals.

There are lots of eyedrops to use over the next few weeks.

And two weeks from today, it will be time for the same drill with the other eye…
*****
Join us for Linda’s Just Jot It January! Find out more here:
https://lindaghill.com/2018/01/16/jusjojan-daily-prompt-january-16th-2018/