Category: family

Whose labor?

Today, the United States observes Labor Day, which celebrates workers, especially those who are members of unions.

I heard a discussion on the radio today about jobs that have been replaced by technology and another about the rights of workers who are considered independent contractors instead of employees, which generally means they get no benefits. These discussions also touched on the nature of work and what it means for human dignity and living standards.

One caller touched on a subject that is close to my heart, that people who act as unpaid caregivers are not considered part of the economy at all, despite their value to their families and communities. Most of the tasks that I have done over the years can be paid work, too, such as child care, elder care, driver, cook, laundry worker, and now even grocery shopper. Of course, these occupations are usually low-paying, reflecting the devaluation of caregiving in the United States. Granted, most people with paid employment also have to take care of homes and/or family members, but many of them pay someone to do some of that work.

Caregiving is work and those that do it should be respected and recognized as part of the economy. This dynamic is part of the movement for a universal basic income, most publicly articulated at the moment by Democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang.

Having spent most of my life in volunteering and family caregiving, I know that my labor has made valuable contributions to society. It would be nice to have meaningful national recognition of that.

Mourning

As anyone who has dealt with it will tell you, mourning is a process.

Likely, a lifelong process that has different impacts over time.

As this TED talk explains, grief is not something you move on from, but something that you move forward with.

It’s been a bit over three months since my mom’s death. Much of that time has been busy, with a lot of things that needed my attention, although I have often felt that my brain was full of holes and I wasn’t thinking clearly.

I kept hoping that I could clear out some mental space and feel that I could organize my thoughts better – and maybe even feel a bit creative, which is important as I have some poetry commitments coming up.

Instead, I’m just feeling overwhelmed and sad. I don’t feel like thinking or deciding things. I can make myself do important things, but it is difficult to feel I am doing them well.

I’ve been talking with some wise friends who have helped me to realize that where I am now is not unusual.

Or permanent.

That mourning is personal and unpredictable and meanders through the terrain of life as it will with no apparent timeframe.

I think I have cried more in the past week than any week since Mom died. I know that is okay, even though it seems sort of backwards.

I am blessed with family and friends to help me while I am in this frame of mind and am trying to muster the energy to ask for help when I need it, although even that can be difficult when organized thought feels like so much work.

But I’m okay. Really. Please don’t worry about me.

It’s just grief.

An award!

We had a bit of excitement at home earlier this month. The Archive of Our Own won a Hugo Award!

I’m sure some of you are saying “Yeah, I know. That’s great!” and some of you are saying “What?” I will explain what this is and why it was cause for celebration at my house.

The Hugo Awards, which have been awarded annually since the 1950s, are given for science fiction. They are announced at WorldCon, which is a giant international convention of the World Science Fiction Society. Over the years, the Hugo Awards have expanded to include fantasy and fandom; they have also expanded beyond text and film into newer media.

The Archive of Our Own (AO3), a project of the Organization for Transformative Works, describes itself on its homepage as a “fan-created, fan-run, nonprofit, noncommercial archive for transformative fanworks, like fanfiction, fanart, fan videos, and podfic.” The archive is HUGE, comprising over five million works across more than 33,000 fandoms. AO3 was nominated in the Hugo Award category of “Best Related Work.”

Our daughter E was following the award ceremony online because she is part of the AO3 community. She has some of her own work on the site and volunteers as a “tag wrangler.” The tag wranglers check on the tags posted by content creators within their specified fandoms to keep the archive organized and easily searchable.

Congratulations to Archive of Our Own on their win! Naomi Novik, one of the site’s founders, gave an acceptance speech that sums up the creative, community spirit of AO3. It began, “All fanwork, from fanfic to vids to fanart to podfic, centers the idea that art happens not in isolation but in community. And that is true of the AO3 itself.” I wish them many more years of sharing and joyful creativity.

SoCS: Fitbit

In Slovenia, we did a lot of walking.

Really a lot of walking. Way more than I usually do.

My Fitbit tells me that I walked 94929 steps during our trip. This is more steps than I usually take in a month – give or take. Life has been busy enough these last years that most of my steps are the daily life type, not fitness type.

B’s totals put mine to shame, though. He often walked while I was in rehearsal. Our first two days he walked over 25,000 steps!

When I went to view my Fitbit stats to add up the Slovenia trip steps, I realized that the last entry for steps was 166 on Tuesday and none at all since. Oops! I don’t walk a lot but I know it was more than that! 😉

I have been using an old Fitbit Flex that I inherited from E when she got a new one. I think it may finally have given up the ghost. Fortunately, B’s job has a program for employees and spouse to get fitness trackers, so I think we will order a new one for me.

I don’t want a fancy one with tons of stats and heartbeat monitors and such. I prefer a simple one. I may get a cloth band for it that I can wear on my ankle, instead of my wrist. I can’t wear the rubber bands that come with Fitbits, so I have been using cloth bands from an Etsy shop. For my ankle, though, I will probably try a new shop that makes them with a Velcro closure instead of knots.

While I want to keep it simple, the new Fitbit will probably have the time on it. It would seem logical to wear it instead of a watch, but there is one problem. I love my watch! It is a solar-powered Citizen with a gold and silver bracelet-style band. Well, gold and silver colored, rather than actual gold and silver. I love not having to change batteries or charge it and I like that it just tells me the time.

Are you detecting a theme here?

I guess I am just simple-minded.
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is to begin the post with a preposition, which I did, with bonus points for ending with a preposition, which I did not. I was joking with her on her prompt post that my English teachers taught me never to end a sentence with a preposition, but she said that she is an editor and it is okay now. Still my stream-of-consciousness mind forgot about the ending with a preposition. I think my grammar school training is still in play…

At any rate, if you want to join in the fun, you can find out more here:  https://lindaghill.com/2019/08/23/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-24-19/

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

Two-year-old ABC

Having our granddaughter ABC living in our home has been a privilege.

Now 26 months old, she is energetic and tall enough to climb onto furniture that used to be out of reach. She is still petite for her age, but she is similar to her mom in that regard.

Her bangs are almost long enough to tuck behind her ears.

She loves imaginative play. Lately, she has been running a pretend ice cream shop. She also has been loving eating ice cream, sometimes with sprinkles on top!

She is adding more and more words to her vocabulary and making longer sentences. She will also now address each person in the room when she is saying hello or good-bye.

It’s still a wonderful feeling when she snuggles near you, although if she suspects you are trying to get her to settle down to sleep, she is more likely to squirm to get down and starting running and jumping around in order to stay awake. Her mother used to do the same thing!

She has a new appreciation for books and will sit long enough for you to read each page, instead of just zooming through looking at pictures.

She loves to sing. She takes after her parents, who are both accomplished musicians. She sometimes devises her own codas to songs that she knows or comes up with her own little tunes. It is incredibly cute!

Among her new obsessions this summer, besides the aforementioned ice cream, are sidewalk chalk, bubbles, and riding the carousels. Our county has several historic – and free – carousels in our parks. Sometimes she will ask for dog – pig – cow, because one of her favorite carousels has a dog and a boar among the horses. The “cow” is actually a black and white paint horse that does resemble the dairy cows around here. Another park has all horses, but still has its original organ rather than using recorded music all the time as the other carousels do. This park also has a more accessible playground, which is easier for a small 2-year-old to navigate. Her favorite horse there is a palomino she has dubbed “yellow horse.”  When she asks for dog-pig-cow-yellow-horse, we take it to mean that any carousel will do!

And this will all end soon, and not just because summer will come to an end.

Some time in the coming weeks, E’s spousal visa will finally come through and she and ABC will move permanently to London to join their spouse and father L.

We know they will be happy to finally live together full-time, instead of just transoceanic visits.

But it will be so hard to have them so far away after having them so close for so long.

Remembering Nana in Slovenia

Our Smith College Alumnae Chorus tour of Slovenia was only a few weeks after the death of my mother, known here at Top of JC’s Mind as Nana. One of the things that was comforting to me was saying prayers for my mom at the various churches we visited. Sometimes, I was even able to light a candle in her memory.

In prior tour posts, I have shared some photos from some of the churches we visited, but I wanted to share a few more. The ceiling from the chapel of Ljubljana Castle:
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Most of the churches we saw on our trip had kneelers that were built into the wooden seats. I loved the curves of these pews from the Ljubljana castle chapel:
Ljubljana castle chapel pews

A cross silhouetted against Lake Bled in the entrance to the Mary of the Assumption:
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The beautifully painted Stations of the Cross there:
Stations of the Cross at Lake Bled

In Trieste, the organ and a bit of the rose window, which was a later addition to Saint Just, when technology had progressed enough to have that large an opening in the wall:

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Catholic altars contain relics, but one seldom sees them in such a conspicuous way:img_0233

A crucifix at St. George in Piran that had been restored from one of the older iterations of the church. I was struck by how contemporary designers have recalled this centuries-old style in their own work:
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The main altar:
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And the ceiling above the chancel:
chancel ceiling - St.George, Piran

There were two churches that I visited that were not part of the official tour. Because I was there as a pray-er rather than a tourist, I don’t have photos inside the churches, but they remain close to my heart. One was in Trieste, near the amphitheater ruins. Nana’s ethnic heritage was northern Italian, so it was special to be able to spend some quiet time in the church there. The other was when I went to Mass on our last morning in Ljubljana. It was comforting to be there as part of the congregation, even though they were speaking a language I didn’t know. All the same, I felt that the prayers in my heart were understood.

Besides my private prayer pilgrimage, I also silently dedicated my performances of the Duruflé Requiem to my mother.  This requiem is based on chants from the early church and is sung in Latin, as it would have been before the Second Vatican Council. Much of it is spare and meditative, beautiful but difficult to perform because the individual vocal lines are often exposed.

The most moving of these text for me is the “In Paradisum”, which is the final commendation of the deceased to God at the end of the funeral rite. The text translates:

May the Angels lead you into paradise:
may the martyrs receive you at your coming,
and lead you into the holy city, Jerusalem.

May the choir of Angels receive you,
and with Lazarus, who once was poor,
may you have everlasting rest.

At my mother’s funeral, this was the point at which I was most emotional, so I worried that I might have difficulty singing through it, especially as Duruflé sets the first stanza for sopranos only. I found, though, that it was comforting for me to bring my mother to mind at that moment, making the traditional prayer even more meaningful. In the powerful silence after we very quietly finished the piece, I could find peace.

SoCS: where?

Where I’ve been was a topic I addressed in a recent post. The short answer is Slovenia. I have done a number of posts about the trip with more to come.

The long answer, aside from my physical location at home, is in the ozone. Well, not literally. Or in a fog. Not literally that, either.

I’ve been juggling a lot of things for a long time, primarily caretaking for various people. After my mom, known as Nana here at TJCM, passed away in May and after the immediate busy-ness of the funeral and the bunch of paperwork and phone calling that needed to happen, I had hoped that I could be more organized and not feeling like my mind is scattered most of the time, but no. At least, not so far.

A friend reassured me that it is still early days, that my sense of clarity will return, but that it takes a long time.

Admittedly, it doesn’t make sense to reorganize my life now anyways. We are in the final weeks of having daughter E and granddaughter ABC in residence. We expect her visa to come through sometime soon and then she will need to move to London within 30 days. I am expecting that, when they leave after 2+ years of living here, there will be another period that is like mourning, too.

So, I guess it may be a long time before I feel like I can think, plan, write, organize, as I used to.

Before I feel like I know where I am going.
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “where.” Join us! Find out how here:  https://lindaghill.com/2019/08/09/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-10-19/

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

SoCS: a trip to the grocery store

When we bring ABC to Wegman’s (our biggest grocery store), there are two things she wants to see.

One is the cow in the dairy section. It’s not real, of course, but does move. ABC says, “Mooooo. Cow! Mooooo.”

The other is a toy train on an elevated track over the bulk food section. ABC says, “Choo, choo. Train. Choo, choo.” Fortunately, she says this very quietly, not at train volume.

Would it be too silly to say we go to the store to get something to chew?

(There is a third thing at Wegman’s that ABC looks for when we go to the Asian foods section. There is a red and gold paper dragon over the aisle. ABC does not know how to make a dragon sound.)
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Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “chew/choo.” Join us!  Find out how here:  https://lindaghill.com/2019/07/05/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-6-19/

Independence Day

In the United States, July fourth is celebrated as Independence Day, in recognition of the adoption of the Declaration of Independence in 1776 by the Continental Congress.

This document, written for the most part by Thomas Jefferson, is still considered one of the pillars of our government. It famously declares “certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.” It is heartbreaking that, at this time, our government is ignoring the existence of those universal human rights, most noticeably among immigrants and asylum seekers. In society, we see this same problem expressed through discrimination or hatred against those of a different religion, race, ethnicity, or gender expression. We see it with employers who don’t pay living wages to their workers.

It’s discouraging to see my country, which I love, not living up to its highest ideals.

I don’t feel like fireworks or parades or speeches.

We are celebrating quietly at home with chicken spiedies, baked beans, corn on the cob, and fresh-baked strawberry rhubarb pie. Paco is joining us for dinner, so we will have our four generations together, from my World War II veteran father to my dual-citizen of the US and UK granddaughter.

Daughter E is wearing a shirt which says “EQUALLITY” with the ALL in sparkly colors.

That’s what I want my country to concentrate on today.

PS: I really appreciated this short reflection on civil rights and and obligations by Sister Simone Campbell.

talking with ABC

Anyone who has taken care of an infant or toddler knows that their development is not a straight-line graph. New skills solidify over a few days, even though the child has been working up to them for weeks or months.

I was reminded of this again when ABC, who turned two earlier this month, returned home from several days away with her mom and aunt. She is suddenly speaking most often in full sentences. She had been using an occasional short sentence, but now she is making longer sentences and using them to explain things or ask for things.

Except when she says, “No!”

That’s a one-word sentence all on its own.