Category: blogging

SoCS: time together

Given that we live in the US and our granddaughters live in the UK, we prize any time that we have together.

Our five-year-old granddaughter ABC lived with us and her mom until she was a bit over two years old. Then, E’s spousal visa came through and they joined their spouse-and-dad in London. We made our first trip “across the pond” a couple of months later, hoping to return again in the spring, but that was 2020 and the pandemic struck, so, no.

We missed the birth and whole first year of granddaughter JG’s life. We met her first on a bittersweet trip here so that E could have a last visit with her grandfather Paco. We will always be grateful that Paco was able to meet JG and that ABC, who remembered him from living here when she was a baby/toddler, was able to see him and dance and sing for him. E was Paco’s first grandchild and it was so important that she got to see him one last time. I’m crying now just thinking about it. It was just after that visit that Paco began his last, steep decline and he died a few weeks later.

That visit had been very confusing for JG. As a pandemic baby, she hadn’t been out of her house very much, much less flown across an ocean and plunked down in a new country with new people. She was also at a developmental time of stranger anxiety, so we had to be careful not to intrude on her comfort zone.

Without having to care for Paco, we were able to make a couple of trips to the UK (although they happened to be during omicron surges); still, JG was not too sure about these people who occasionally appeared on her mom’s computer screen suddenly showing up.

Enter 2023. JG is now almost 2 and a half and having a surge in language development and is able to make connections that she had been too young to make previously. She starts calling us by name when we video chat and wanting to say hi and showing us things. When we went to visit earlier this month, she gave us hugs and played with us and let us pick her up and called us by name and stayed with us at our Airbnb while her mom and dad did errands and snuggled and fell asleep cuddled on the couch.

For the first time, she knew we were her grandparents, her mom’s mom and dad. Correction: her mum‘s parents, as mom is the more common American expression and she is, of course, adopting the more British mum.

What a prize! I had been afraid that JG wouldn’t really remember us because we are so far away and that occasional visits wouldn’t be enough to establish a real relationship with her as we have enjoyed with her sister ABC.

Transatlantic grandparenting will still be challenging. I don’t have personal experience with such a long distance between grandparents and grandchild, but I think we’ll figure it out.

We are hopeful that E and her family will be here in April for Easter, JG’s first trip back since she came to meet Paco just after she turned one. I don’t think she will remember having been here, although ABC will probably still remember every nook and cranny of our house and yard, as she did when they came back to see Paco a year and a half ago.

It was a week ago that we said our good-byes to fly back to the States. Anticipating a visit from them in just a few weeks made it easier to leave them. Although JG won’t remember the house, she will remember us.

What a comfort!

What a prize!
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “prize,” which I sneakily used to write the post I needed to write this weekend. Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/02/24/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-25-2023/.

One-Liner Wednesday: joy and sorrow

Joy shared, twice the gain; sorrow shared, half the pain.

Swedish proverb (most likely)

Join us for Linda’s One-Liner Wednesday! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/02/22/one-liner-wednesday-icy-nature/

Poem on Silver Birch Press

I’m pleased to share that my poem Kaʻūpūlehu has been included as part of the ONE GOOD MEMORY series from Silver Birch Press. Many thanks to Melanie and the team at Silver Birch Press for including my poem in this series.

I especially appreciate that Silver Birch Press includes an author’s note with each piece. It gave me the opportunity to spread the word about the Kaʻūpūlehu dryland forest of Hawai’i.

This poem began as a response to a Binghamton Poetry Project prompt in spring of this year. You can read a bit about the writing of this poem in my blog post here.

As Silver Birch’s call for submissions states, “The past few years have been the most difficult that most of us have lived through. It’s a challenge on many days to stay positive. At times like this, it’s heartening to remember good experiences. Sharing each other’s good memories can help us remain hopeful during these challenging times.”

I’m honored to have this poem featured among dozens upon dozens of other good memories as part of this series. I invite you to explore these uplifting poems and to reflect on your own good memories. We can all use an extra measure of hope in our day.

As always, comments are welcome – here on Top of JC’s Mind, at Silver Birch Press, on Facebook, twitter, ello, and Post. Your choice!

One-Liner Wednesday: hope?

To my Republican friends, if we could work together in the last Congress, there is no reason we can’t work together in this new Congress. The people sent us a clear message. Fighting for the sake of fighting, power for the sake of power, conflict for the sake of conflict, gets us nowhere.

US President Joe Biden in the State of the Union address before Congress last night

Join us for Linda’s One-Liner Wednesday! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/02/08/one-liner-wednesday-a-cool-million/

SoCS: perfection

Ugh.

Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “perfection.”

Not my favorite concept.

When I was young, I was taught to do the best I could…

Which is a lovely thought and a worthy goal but it made it easy to think that the best I could do should be perfect, so I became a bit of a perfectionist.

It’s exhausting.

And futile.

As I matured, I began to expect that perfection was a chimera, that there was really no such thing.

When my first child was born, I was convinced of that.

Well, not immediately.

I had dutifully followed all the advice from my medical team and from What to Expect When You Are Expecting, which was a hot title at the time. Still, somehow, my membranes ruptured at 36 weeks, so my precious daughter arrived early, officially classified as premature, although only by a few days, and, after being home for a couple of days had to be re-admitted to the hospital for light therapy for jaundice.

It was not perfect and I was scared and blamed myself, figuring that I must have done something wrong.

It took a while – well, maybe even a long while – to realize that, sometimes, things just happen without a discernible cause.

I then realized that there was not ever going to be a perfect way to do something as complex as raising a child – and then realized that there wasn’t really a perfect way to do much of anything.

I did still try to do the best I could, though, which often means things turn out pretty well.

Except when they don’t.

But, hey, nobody’s perfect.
*****
This Stream of Consciousness Saturday post is part of Linda’s long-running series at her blog Life In Progress. Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/02/03/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-4-2023/

JusJoJan: the end

So, it’s late afternoon on January 31st and I’m just getting the chance to write my final post for Linda’s Just Jot It January.

Linda’s prompt for today is “write” and my original intent had been to write about the end of Just Jot It January, so two birds with one stone.

I had been trying for the month to prepare my posts a day ahead in order to get them out in the morning, but I didn’t manage it today. I didn’t even check my blog this morning, as I had decided to do some more work on the final layout for my chapbook manuscript, Hearts, to send to Kelsay Books, my publisher.

Of course, I got distracted and wound up sending out a submission of three ekphrastic poems for a contest, which meant writing a more-involved-than-usual cover letter. (I did get some manuscript work done, too.)

I also wound up contributing to a couple of “poetry business” email threads, one for the Grapevine Poets and one for the Boiler House Poets Collective.

I wrote a birthday card and note to a friend – longhand and everything!

And now, finally, this post.

I am happy and relieved to have managed to post every day this month for #JusJoJan. I wrote more “heavy” posts than I intended, but it’s been that kind of month.

I’m not planning to post every day in February, though.

I need to spend some time on other projects and to get ready for a trip to the UK to visit our family there.

That should generate a few posts…
*****
I hope you’ve enjoyed Linda’s Just Jot It January. Thanks so much, Linda, for making it possible! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/01/31/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-31st-2023/

yogurt

I try to keep yogurt in my refrigerator. Because B and T are lactose intolerant, I keep a large tub of Green Valley Creamery lactose-free plain yogurt, which they eat with various mix-ins and which we use in lieu of sour cream in recipes.

I had been eating Greek-style yogurt, usually Chobani or Fage, both of which are made here in upstate New York.

Lately, I’ve become a fan of skyr from Icelandic Provisions. It is also made with milk from our local dairies but uses heirloom Icelandic microbes to make a super-thick and creamy yogurt which is high in protein. They also use less added sugar than most commercial yogurts.

Sometimes, I’ll eat skyr as part of a meal but, more often, I’ll eat it as dessert, especially some of the flavors, such as cold brew coffee and key lime. It’s great to have a treat that is indulgent but nutritious.

I’ve been buying Icelandic Provisions most often at Wegmans because they have the best selection. I wish I could find some of the flavors listed on the brand website that feature mix-ins, but I’ve yet to see them in stores here.

I have, though, eaten some kinds of fruit that I hadn’t known existed, such as cloudberry and bilberry, which grow in Iceland. I’d love to travel to Iceland in person someday, see where they grow, and try them. Until then, I’ll content myself with eating delicious skyr in upstate New York.
*****
It’s not too late to join in with Linda’s Just Jot It January! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/01/30/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-30th-2023/

Violence

This is a sobering weekend here in the United States.

The country is reeling from at least 49 mass shootings this month, as recorded by the Gun Violence Archive. I have to say “at least” because it could be more by the time I hit publish. This is in addition to all the shooting incidents with less than four victims and all the self-inflicted shootings, sometimes accidental but, sadly, most often deliberate. In the US, suicides have, for many years, constituted the majority of gun deaths. (If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide or any other mental health crisis, please reach out for help. In the US, you can call or text 988 or visit this website: https://988lifeline.org/ any day/any time.)

As I’ve written about before, the United States needs to deal with gun safety issues, especially when it comes to military-style assault weapons, high-capacity magazines, gun trafficking, poor licensing and training requirements in some states, and lack of comprehensive universal background checks. We need to vastly improve access to mental health care, on both humanitarian and violence-prevention grounds.

One of the stories that illustrates this need is the shooting of a first-grade teacher in Newport News, Virginia by one of her six-year-old students. She was seriously wounded but has survived. The boy was known to have been diagnosed with what has been termed by his family as an “acute disability” and is now being treated in a hospital. While this is a particularly stark example, many shootings, including mass shootings and suicides, are linked to mental health problems.

While guns are highly visible as a means of violence, videos released to the media on Friday illustrate that other means can be just as severe in causing injury, trauma, and death.

Security camera and police body camera footage showed the October 2022 break-in at the California home of then-House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and the subsequent attack on her husband, Paul, with a hammer. He was severely injured and is continuing his recovery. Besides being personal, this was also an act of political violence.

The country is also reacting to the shocking video of the police beating of Tyre Nichols in Memphis, Tennessee, which led to his death in the hospital three days later. Five officers were fired soon after the beating and have just been charged with several counts, including second degree murder. Two additional officers have been suspended while the investigation continues. Yesterday, the Memphis Police Department announced that the Scorpion Unit that had included the officers who carried out the attack has been permanently disbanded. The public gatherings in the wake of this horror have been almost exclusively non-violent, as Tyre’s family has urged.

Sadly, there are a vocal few who use their power in the media to sow confusion – or even show support for those who perpetrate violence. Even with the release of the video, there were some still insinuating that Paul Pelosi knew his attacker and invited him into his home. Mind you, there is video of the attacker repeatedly bashing a glass door with a hammer in the middle of the night but these conspiracy-theory followers don’t let facts get in the way of their twisted beliefs. In so doing, they multiply the violence and harm.

What can we do?

Some of the things I try to do are live a non-violent life, seek out facts and relay them accurately, respectfully enter into dialogue, and advocate for public policy to reduce violence. Even though I am only one person, I know there are millions of others doing the same.

My hope is that more people will realize that both victims and perpetrators of violence could be their own family member, friend, or neighbor.

Each one deserving of care and concern.

The only way we can stop the violence is together.
*****
Join us for Linda’s Just Jot It January! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/01/29/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-28th-2023/.

SoCS: causes

I’ve spent decades now advocating for change on a whole raft of social justice and environmental issues.

There has been some progress in some areas, but I admit that there are times when I get tired, times when I realize that a change we’ve been working on for decades still hasn’t happened or where there’s been backsliding on a right that we thought had been secured.

Some days, I want to just throw in the towel.

But then I think about it and realize that a lot has been accomplished by so many people working together. The progress is often slow and incremental. When a change seems sudden, it’s usually the result of years of groundwork laying the foundation.

When I get discouraged, it’s often a comment from a friend that helps me realize the importance of the work, even when it seems we aren’t getting anywhere and even when the hoped-for change is unlikely in my lifetime. (This especially applies to my work on gender equality in the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church tends to think in centuries.)

So, at least so far, though I do change the issues I concentrate on from time to time, I keep at it.

Keep on keeping on.
*****
Linda’s Prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is to use “throw in the towel” at some point in the post. Join us for Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday and/or Just Jot It January! Find our more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/01/27/the-friday-reminder-for-socs-jusjojan-2023-daily-prompt-jan-28th/

JC’s Confessions #26

In the first few seasons of The Late Show, Stephen Colbert did a recurring skit, then a best-selling book, called Midnight Confessions, in which he “confesses” to his audience with the disclaimer that he isn’t sure these things are really sins but that he does “feel bad about them.” While Stephen and his writers are famously funny, I am not, so my JC’s Confessions will be somewhat more serious reflections, but they will be things that I feel bad about. Stephen’s audience always forgives him at the end of the segment; I’m not expecting that – and these aren’t really sins – but comments are always welcome.

Ugh.

Folks who have been reading my blog regularly (thank you!) know that I have been dealing with a lot of loss and stress in recent years. I’ve been struggling to find energy to accomplish things and often feel like I can’t concentrate.

I’ve taken a lot of steps to cut down on what I’m trying to do in a day/week but there are still days that nothing of import gets started, much less done. I’ve tried to reach out for additional support but there are times when I can’t even manage to gather the energy needed to reach out and arrange to meet. Granted, the pandemic waves aren’t helpful, either.

I recognize from friends who study such things and from my reading that I am still grieving and that my brain is quite literally rewiring itself in line with my new reality.

A few weeks ago, I decided to try to shift my perspective. I decided to set aside some things I had been trying to do/worrying about and to give myself more grace/space to wait out the brain changes.

My doctor warned me it would be difficult and it is.

There have been little glimmers of hope. I’ve been able to arrange for some self-care appointments that I need. I’ve managed to post every day this month so far for Just Jot It January, although I confess I’m looking forward to February when that pressure I’ve put on myself will be off. I’ve made progress on preparing my chapbook manuscript for publication.

Overall, though, I am still struggling and struggling to accept that I’m still struggling, which is a large part of what I was hoping to do.

Maybe that is the way things must be for now.

I just need to accept it.
*****
Join us for Linda’s Just Jot It January! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2023/01/27/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-27th-2023/