“Tick-tock. Time’s a-wasting.”
I remember that saying from when I was young, although I haven’t heard it for a long time now.
But, yeah, time is rushing by with so much pressure these days.
My inbox is filled with urgent messages about the upcoming election, the climate crisis, closing submission calls for poetry and manuscripts, important meetings and webinars, pleas for donations. (I probably should have said inboxes, as I have several email addresses that I have to maintain.)
And I have very limited energy to respond.
While we continue to rule out reasons for my health issues, we haven’t been able to track down the underlying cause. We are addressing the symptoms that we can but the most upsetting ones, the fatigue and brain fog, aren’t able to be improved at this point. I’m working around them as best I can by listening to my body and trying to be gentle with myself.
But, tick-tock, time is rushing by with all its demands and things that can’t/won’t wait.
And I’m only able to do a sliver of what I wish I could.
I do try to remind myself that I’m only a very, very, very tiny entity in this world and in all these efforts and that others are taking up the slack. It won’t be my fault if the election goes to the Republicans and they crash the country and trash the climate (except that I know I share the guilt of social sin, but I can’t stream-of-consciousness an explanation of Catholic social justice doctrine and our responsibilities to humanity and the world. And you’re welcome that I’m not trying to.)
The more personal side of dealing with my health right now is that I have a ton of work to do with my poetry and it is taking a loooong time to do it, if I can do it at all. There is also the sinking feeling that it isn’t as good as it could/should be. There is also the fear that I won’t be able to recover fully from this and will face yet another instance in my life where I set aside my own work to deal with other pressing concerns and then lost the ability to go back to it. I am content with those past choices I made and would not change them, but this feels different because it is my own health that is the obstacle this time.
The biggest regret, though, is that another family member is dealing with a bigger health issue and I’m not as able to help as I would like to be.
Tick-tock. Time’s a-wasting…
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is “tack/tech/tick/tock/tuck.” Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/09/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-7-2024/
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Joanne Corey 
I don’t know all your symptoms but you mention the fatigue and brain fog. I had so many tests and was told I had fibromyalgia…. I really understand how difficult it is to try to function with fatigue and brain fog. Try and be kind and gentle to yourself. Whatever causes it the effects are debilitating and frustrating and trying to push through doesn’t help, sometimes you must rest the body and then build up gradually …… I hope you get answers and help soon ….
đź’žSuzanne
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Thank you so much for reaching out, Suzanne. I have a family member who has fibromyalgia, also called ME/CFS, so I’ve seen it up close, along with the long diagnostic journey. I hope that your medical team has been able to give you support and strategies to help you cope. When my family member was diagnosed, they were prescribing things like graded exercise, which have since been proven to be unhelpful, something that we found out on our own. It’s part of the reason that I have been trying to listen to my body and work with its limitations. If I do too much, I will be worthless the next day.
What I think is happening in our family is that there may be hypermobility/connective tissue disorders underlying a lot of medical weirdness, including what I’m dealing with. These related disorders are highly heritable, but most of the genes involved have yet to be determined. Research is ongoing, but there aren’t a lot of doctors who are specialists and the waiting lists are very long to get a proper diagnosis. We are working hard at getting through the maze but it’s difficult and frustrating.
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I totally understand. Since I started to really listen to my body I do better … but accept some days are a right off. We also have lots of hereditary issues in the family and far more “connections”’being discovered but many doctors don’t want to say they are. I feel I have learnt myself what helps me, a lot of prescribed drugs made worse long term… exercise works for some but not others, it’s all complicated… stress makes me far worse too….i have found eating an anti-inflammatory type diet and drinking lots of water helps too…. It is so difficult…. Thank you for responding so fully … I have found gentle yoga and meditation the most helpful …..
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I’m glad you have been able to discover what works for you, Suzanne, although it will always be a work in progress as our conditions change over time. There is some good research underway, so there is hope for better treatment options in the future. It can take a long time, though, for those to trickle down to actual patients.
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In my humble opinion, it seems like you’re being too hard on yourself in some ways. You’ve worked hard for many years. I know it’s a change, but maybe it’s okay to take more time to rest and recharge. I wonder if you can eliminate any of those several email addresses. Please keep on listening to your body and be gentle with yourself. I hope you can find joy in your poetry. I’m saying a prayer that you’ll feel better soon.
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Thank you, JoAnna, for your wisdom, as always. The multiple inboxes is actually an organizational tool. For example, I have a separate email address that I use for my poetry work so that submission posts and such don’t get buried amongst bills, statements, personal correspondence, ads, etc. I know I could dump them all into one inbox, even with the different email addresses, but I think I’d be more likely to miss something I need to see.
I don’t know yet what I will have to do longer term. If this change in health is a permanent thing, I will have to leave a bunch of efforts I currently support to try to keep my writing going as long as possible. We’ll see.
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That makes sense to want to keep some things like poetry separate. I hope you find out what’s going on with your health and that it’s treatable. In the meantime, take good care of you.
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Thanks, JoAnna! ❤
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❤
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I particularly felt for you when you talked about the long time of putting aside your work for other projects and now it’s your own health that is causing the slowdown. That would cause resentment in me, even as I affirmed that those choices were for the best. I do hope your winnowing process works toward helpful solutions.
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I guess I cut off this process before it identified me–it’s Ellen Prewitt
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I don’t understand why WordPress doesn’t recognize you. Of course, there’s a lot I don’t understand about the way WordPress works…
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Thank you, Ellen! I think there is probably going to be more winnowing in my future unless/until we can figure out what is going on with my body.
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