Blog – Top of JC’s Mind

SoCS: The best years of my life

When I was in college, senior week/commencement happened at the same time as all the reunions. My house always hosted the 60th reunion, with alumnae staying in the rooms vacated by the undergrads. A few undergrads stayed to help out with the activities or because they were members of Glee Club and needed to stay to sing. Of course, all the seniors were there enjoying the campus for the last few days before graduating. I was always really taken by the vitality and zest for living of the alumnae there for their 60th – in their early 80s, they were excitedly meeting up to chat, climbing the stairs without seeming exertion, heading out to activities, and marching in the Ivy Day parade without any problems. My friends and I marvelled at their long-standing friendships, intelligence, wit, and wisdom and hoped that, in 60 years when it was our turn to be back there, we would be as gracious and engaged with life as they were.

The one comment that always gave me pause, though, was many of them saying that years at Smith are the best years of life.

We students had just all come through another hectic semester, filled with learning and friends and growth, but we were also often anxious, sleep-deprived, and overwhelmingly busy. I would think – please, no, tell me that this is not as good as life gets.

My mother-in-law would cite the years she was at home with her young sons as the best. I loved my own young daughters and was constantly amazed at their lives unfolding before me as I tried my best to care for them and help them learn about themselves and the world. But those years were also filled with lack of sleep, innumerable trips to the doctors’ office, budgetary wizardry, and mistakes – which, even though I tried to rectify them as quickly as I made them, still carry tiny twinges of regret. So, was that supposed to be the best?

Others nominate childhood or high school – no one seems to pick middle school – as the best years.  They somehow remember those times as carefree, but they are often times when young people are being pressured to conform to being members of groups that may not suit them well at all and are confronted with adult-size problems which their child or teen selves are not equipped to handle – and somehow adults expect them to make decisions like adults, which they decidedly are not.

I agree with my (very wise) mother. There is no “best age.”  Phases in life are certainly unique and have their own charms but they also have their own problems. I would not trade my years at Smith for anything. College was a unique experience. I learned so much about so many different topics but most of all I learned about myself. And I learned as much from my peers with whom I lived as I did from my professors. Being in a women’s college taught me so much respect and admiration for women’s capabilities and leadership. I don’t think I would be the same person were it not for those for years.

But that doesn’t make them “the best.”  That time was often difficult and sometimes lonely.  I missed my family and my boyfriend (now my spouse of 30+ years).  The intellectual work was stimulating, but also exhausting as I always tried to do my very best. Even at Smith, there were instances of lack of respect for women’s autonomy, especially in having to deal with church issues, which, as a Catholic organist, I frequently did.

The same mix of positives and negatives applies to other times of my life. None of them ever could or should be seen as “the best.”

What I feel called to do is to give my best and try my best at all times of life. There will always be some good even in the midst of bad times and some struggle even in good times.

But never any one time as “the best years of my life.”

This post is part of Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturdays. This week’s prompt was: young, old, or anything to do with age. Please join us! Details are at the link below.

http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/08/29/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-3014/

 

socs-badge

Badge by Doobster @Mindful Digressions

Poem by Patricia Raube about Michael Brown

Patricia Raube, who is one of my spiritual sisters and a Binghamton NY area Presbyterian pastor, has written a moving, insightful, and spirit-filled poem about Michael Brown. She has given her permission to share it with attribution.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Burning Bush

I hardly dare ask… I know we have no right…
But Michael Brown, I must ask this great favor, this unspeakable gift.

Trayvon was not enough, nor Emmett,
nor the whole host and holocaust of men of color,
(did we even notice Kajieme?)
enslaved, disposable,
less than human through the sites of a gun.

I hardly dare ask.

The hashtag is good– ‪#‎blacklivesmatter‬—
but I fear it isn’t enough,
won’t do the job we need it to do,

the enormous breaking down
of laws and structures and hearts
the massive dismantling of privilege unacknowledged
and assumptions unchallenged.

Oh Michael Brown. I know we have no right to ask,
the image is all too close
to the evil fires set again and again…
the symbol of hope, the cross of Christ
transformed into Satan’s flag of terror,
crackling and crumbling in a Missouri night.

I know we have no right to ask, But ask I will.

Oh Michael Brown, will you be our burning bush?

c. Patricia Raube 2014

Reblog: Partial Ellipsis of the Sun

I love the serendipity of blogging. The post I put out this morning, Julia, Julie, and blogging, elicited a comment from Steph, a Smith alum who I met online through my Smith roommate who lives now in Colorado, where Steph lives. I popped over to Steph’s blog, Partial Ellipsis of the Sun, to see her latest post and felt I had to share. Gorgeous photographs, fractals, advances in cancer care, science, personal connections, wordplay – who could ask for anything more?  Due to her use of a different platform, I needed to reblog by link, but I encourage you all to check out Steph’s latest post!

http://wordwomanpartialellipsisofthesun.blogspot.com/2014/08/nautilus-phi-and-carbon-ion.html?m=1

Julie, Julia, and blogging

My first big exposure to personal blogging was the film Julie & Julia.  I knew that blogging existed in some vague way before I saw the movie, but hadn’t read many blogs or heard much about blogs that were written by individual folks.

I have to say that I was not impressed.

Julie, the blogger in the movie, becomes so obsessed with her blog about making all of the recipes in Mastering the Art of French Cooking in a year that she becomes whiny, petulant, and inattentive to her job, her friends, and her spouse. She gains media attention, notoriety, and a book deal, but the costs to everyone around her are high.

On the other hand, I loved the intertwined story of Julia Child in France.  Her question of “What should I do?” and her quest to figure out what that was and to pursue it with passion, persistence, and good humor, all the while staying connected to her spouse and her friends, resonated with me.

My greater affinity with Julia has a lot to do with some similarities.  Julia McWilliams Child was a proud member of the Smith College class of 1934. I am class of 1982.  That women’s college/liberal arts background was evident to me in her ability to tackle new challenges and discern her way forward, especially as an outsider at the very French and very male Le Cordon Bleu, later as part of a circle of women chef-teachers, and finally her decades of teaching people to enjoy cooking and sharing food through her television shows and cookbooks.

I also related to Julia’s age in the film. She was about 49 when Mastering the Art of French Cooking was published, which was my age when I saw Julie & Julia.  I could appreciate the re-invention(s) that women make in their middle years and the ability to keep learning and growing that makes re-invention possible.

Maybe, if Julia’s story were unfolding in the 21st century, there would be a fabulous blog or website to accompany her book and television endeavors.

Maybe not.

Still, despite my initial bad impression of blogging, here I sit, writing a blog post about it.

Julie taught me things that I didn’t want my blog to be:  limited to a narrow topic, time-constrained, high-pressure, all-consuming.

Julia taught me to stay open to change, to accept criticism but to maintain the integrity of my work, to remember to enjoy time with family and friends (and food), to persevere even when it looks like the goal is unattainable.

So, I find myself five years after the film with a blog that is almost a year old that is eclectic and (I hope seen as) thoughtful, that has started to attract a small group of readers and commenters who appreciate some of the topics I write about and the way in which I write about them.  I have also in these years rediscovered poetry and am working to improve my poems and find appropriate journals or publishers with a goal of being published in print.

Unlike Julie and Julia, I am unlikely to ever publish a full-length book. I may eventually be able to publish a chapbook of poetry, but it won’t be as a result of my blog – or my cooking.

And I won’t give up from the discouraging number of rejection notices.

Julia didn’t.

 

 

One-Liner Wednesday – Ilia Delio quote

“We are created for love, and that’s what keeps pulling us onward.”
– Ilia Delio

Join us for Linda’s One-liner Wednesdays:  http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/08/27/one-liner-wednesday-creations/

Women’s Equality Day

Ninety-four years ago today, women in the United States were finally accorded the right to vote in every state and in federal elections. It was a long time coming, starting out with Abigail Adams reminding her husband John to “remember the ladies” during the early days of the republic and progressing through generations of women working for the cause, including Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony. In commemoration, today is celebrated as Women’s Equality Day.

What is so disturbing is that equality is still a work in progress. The country is still struggling with basics like equal pay for equal work. Some people feel they should be allowed to interfere with women’s personal health decisions. Women have higher rates of poverty. More women are low-wage workers, even though women have higher education levels. The work that women have traditionally done caring for home and family is not considered part of the economy of the country, unless someone else is being paid (poorly) to do it. Women are in only a small portion of leadership roles in government, companies, and educational institutions. Few jobs offer the flexibility that women want to both make a living and have a life.

Policies that would help bring greater equality to women would help men, too. Many men would benefit from greater workplace flexibility and initiatives such as paying a living wage. When will we celebrate a Women’s Equality Day in recognition of having achieved that goal, instead of as a commemoration of women’s suffrage?

 

Discovering my “Great posts worth seeing”

I often use the “Great posts worth seeing” list when other bloggers like or comment on my posts as a way to connect and find out what their blogs are about.  I had wondered what showed up on my list and now – at least for today – I know.

For the record, I did go back to HarsH ReaLiTy and manage to remove the “like” from my own comment. I’ll leave that to other people. 😉

Re-gaining my bearings

When I last posted, I was feeling overwhelmed by – well – everything.

I’ve been working on finding some hope amid the chaos, with help from many people and their words.

My friend and spiritual companion Yvonne sent words of wisdom from Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Pat, another spiritual sister, posted a prayer from Julia Seymour. Sister Simone Campbell and NETWORK continue their call for peace and care for all people, especially those on the margins or at risk from violence and deprivation. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont and Professor Robert Reich continued their progressive statements that “promote the general welfare” as the U.S. Constitution states. I started reading Franciscan Richard Rohr’s Immortal Diamond.

Improvement in family situations has helped, too. My parents have made progress in their continuing recovery from health challenges. Our younger daughter completed orientation for grad school with classes beginning on Monday. Our son-in-law completed his PhD comprehensive exams, despite a computer dying at the worst possible time.

This morning, we sang Benedictine Delores Dufner’s  “Sing a New Church” which begins as a call for Christian unity but expands to envision peace and justice among nations and all peoples. It reminded me that, while many of my values come to me through the Catholic Christian tradition, at their core, they parallel those of all people of good will, whether or not they follow a spiritual practice.

The common thread is to concentrate on and uphold goodness, peace, love, and justice. These are much more common, much more the norm than their opposites. The violent, the intolerant, the exploitative are loud and try to control the conversation and other people, but we must not mistake that they are few in number. Obviously, it is not easy for those of good will around the world to subdue those bent on destruction and abuse of power, but we can and must prevail, each doing our part, however small, in our own lives.

numb again

I have several topics for posts hanging out in my draft folder and a few more rattling around in my head. Also, poems that need attention and revision. But I can’t manage to get any of them in a fit state to post.

There is just too much right now. James Foley. Ferguson as shorthand for racism. More violence and atrocities in the Middle East than can be counted. Severe storms and wildfires and drought and blights and disease. A national government that can’t even manage to pass desperately needed legislation. Hunger. Poverty. Pollution.

I could make the list much longer and add personal distractions, too, but it wouldn’t really matter. My brain can’t find any way to make order out of the chaos.

Maybe I’m not meant to find order or insight or solutions or just the right hopeful words today.

I’ll just handle whatever the day brings – bringing Mom to her doctor’s appointment, checking in on my daughters and son-in-law, sharing dinner with my spouse, saying a prayer for all those who are in need – all billions of us – and trying to sleep so that maybe I can do a bit more tomorrow.